From my radio appearance on Reality Radio (click), my listener below hears me talk about the following subject…
Ce Katz The 90-day rule applied for me. No sex until 90 days. It builds a better foundation and strength towards a committed relationship. And yes, doors SHOULD BE OPENED! Chivalry is dead! Big dislike!
DT: The 90-day rule? Yes. A very good plan. Did you know that 90 days has significance in a man’s body?
Back in the day (before the advent of the birth control pill in the 70’s), our dads and grandpas “courted” their women.
If a woman hops into the sack too soon, it dumps a hormone, Oxytocin, that bonds this woman to this man (even IF he is no good for her). We waste a lot of time and emotion on a guy who may not deserve that attention, not to mention it lowers our self-esteem to be with such a guy.
Under usual circumstances, men’s bodies dump testosterone in their system. Testosterone is the anti-hormone of Oxytocin. Yikes! Who invented that! Anyway, when a man delays sex for 90 days, like in our dad’s day, the Oxytocin level, the bonding hormone, is finally at a saturation point that it outweighs the cancelling affect that Testosterone has. In plain terms, it means that HIS Oxytocin level is at a significant level for him to bond to her.
How special is that? I love Mother Nature. It’s just so exciting to me to marvel how the human body works.
The trick today is that young girls don’t know how to keep a guy interested without resorting to sex. It is a challenge, to be sure. Sexual hormones are super strong for a reason…nature wants you to recreate!
One of my readers said she purposefully chooses dates that are long distance (she’s a church woman) because she hasn’t been able to keep her legs closed and the distance gives her a safety net to get to know him without the sex. To that I say “horseshit”. Practically every guy is gonna want in (and if he doesn’t, you probably will think he’s gay or not manly enough). It’s not his fault he wants sex. He is biologically wired to act that way. Women are the gatekeepers. Always have been, always will be.
If you can’t figure out how to be a woman without sex, that’s your own damn fault. You deserve the heartaches that come your way until you figure this out. There are 50-year old women who still haven’t ‘got’ it. It’s your choice. You can learn to be an alluring female…or not.
- They used to tell girls to not shave their legs as any (white) girl would be embarrassed to have sex with stubbly legs or to wear grandma (non-sexy) underwear or ones that have a hole in it (again, the big time embarrassment factor deters sex).
- Aside from that, after the first three dates (almost any girl can last 3 dates), keep the dates short, like an hour or less (to avoid temptation).
- Schedule dates in the daytime (less risky when you’re awake and sober).
- Schedule an activity. It’s easier to keep your mind off sex if the date is NOT spontaneous and random. No planning leads to our animal hormones kick in luring you to sex.
- Schedule group dates, safety in numbers.
- A giant plus for a woman is to Be Interesting even without sex. That is the best catnip to get a man to really fall in love with you. To do this means you have to start reading, being active, and having interests. No…shopping or watching Jerry Springer doesn’t count. When he actually wants to hang around you, you’re on the right track.He will respect that you are delaying sex. Another bonus is that it tells him that you can delay gratification. If you can do that with him, he will conclude that you will put off other men who approach you thereby keeping you faithful to him. Your fidelity is super-important to a guy.
- And for goodness sake, DON’T GO TO HIS APARTMENT until you Know you wanna have sex.
Bottom line? He wants to know what kind of person you are. The woman sets the tone. If you’re a long-haul girl, he will step up to the plate and be that long-haul guy. That’s how it works.
If he cannot be a long-haul guy this minute due to school, career, or a life event, even the skankiest player will be a gentleman to say he can no longer date you as he is not in that mode right now. He will bow out of your life and find more suitable prey.
The weak ones let hormones control and overtake her…often with unsatisfactory results. The smart woman wins. And, there’s nothing sexier than a confident woman. Have a day.