I know some guys seem to fall in love very quickly and fall hard, but I am here to tell you to resist the urge to do so.
The reason why this happens is because men have a very short list (probably TOO short) of qualities they seek in a woman – especially compared to the endless list of qualities that women have.
Basically, men need to have a woman look good and not be psychotic. If so, men are pretty much good to go. Also, men are way more easy-going than women – at least in the first few months of dating. This is the period of time when men will overlook the most obvious personality flaws as they think they already found “the woman of their dreams”. At this point in the “relationship”, they don’t let anything bother them with their partner and are expert at letting go of the things that do bother them. In the early stages of dating, men just want to have fun, and aren’t thinking about decisions that will affect them over the long-term.
I’m not sure this is a healthy stance to take. I also don’t think the position that women take is all that wonderful either. I think both genders need to come more toward the middle. Women need to lighten up on their incessant demands on men and men need to become more discerning.
In general, men are very good judges of character, especially compared to women. Women will frequently go through years and years of choosing one rotten man after another, thinking that “he’s the one”. Most women choose a man because of how he makes her feel emotionally. The “Bad Boys” are often the ones who get picked because they make her feel some sort of emotion, even though it may be a “bad” emotion. The men who have many good qualities are often overlooked because she doesn’t “feel anything”. She is quick to label him “boring”, and moves on. It is not until she is in her thirties that she learns to assess a man based on his positive qualities rather than “how he makes her feel”.
Men are habitually good judges of character because the biological process of selecting a mate for the continuance of the species falls on men’s shoulders. Since the caveman dragged the first, hot cave-chick back to his den, men have had to shoulder the burden of finding an appropriate mate. Usually, a guy wants to upgrade his status so his offspring will be better off, meaning better looking, more physically able/fit, and better at continuing/excelling in life than he. Of course, what guy doesn’t just want to have fun and have sex with the next available chick? That being said, even at this casual, no-strings level, in the back of his mind, he is always thinking about the possibility that she might get pregnant. Because of that, even for a one-night stand, he will use every effort to have sex with a woman who is at a higher level than he…and at the very least, she has to be on the same level with him.
As such, he is not easily going to have sex (unless trashed or drugged himself) with someone most of the male population says is unfit: butt-ugly, (more than 35 pounds overweight), has a straight, boy-figure, like many female athletes, i.e. no waist, mentally deranged, physically handicapped or impaired, or frequently uses drugs.
Women have no such biological pull. They couldn’t care less what happens to the gene pool in the next generation. It is for that reason that women often go through years, if not decades, of making really stupid mate choices before they get a clue…if they ever do.
So, why am I telling you to wait? Because I want you to be discerning, I want you to be choosy, and most of all, because you need to see if she is CONSISTENT and has CHARACTER. I also want you to get really clear on your “must have” list. What are the deal makers? What are the deal breakers? Are you gonna waffle on them? I realize this takes introspection and some measure of effort, but hey, it’s your life and you have way more at stake than a woman does. Most laws are written in favor of women to protect the kids, and I guess that is fair in theory, but that certainly doesn’t mean you have to rush right into anything. Take your time and evaluate.
Things happen for a reason and there are certain relationship milestones that should never be missed or skipped. Don’t treat this like a TiVO machine. You can’t fast forward through the parts you don’t like. You must relish every minute you have because this minute is all you have. Once it’s gone, you will never get this opportunity again. You have to see her in a variety of different circumstances to really make a complete evaluation of her.
You may think she’s your dream girl, but what if you can’t stand her family? What if her family can’t stand you? What if her travel schedule for her job is way more than you ever anticipated now that “her season” has kicked into gear? What if you learn she cannot have kids and you want to have an armload of kids?
So…make a list (No, I’m not kidding). When a man meets a woman online, he is pressed to consider his deal makers/breakers. If she makes the cut, he will ask her out. Those of you who meet the girl in person, I am asking you to make a similar effort and not just hop in because it feels good (OR you need to get laid). However you meet the girl, I am telling you to slow down and take at least 3 months before you throw caution to the wind and latch on as a bf. Even if you don’t believe me or understand what I’m saying this minute, just wait out these first three months. You can thank me later.