1. Women want a Nice Guy.
Fact: It IS true that most people want a “nice girl”. Because that is true, moms and other meddling women think that women should pick a guy because he is “Nice”, too. It doesn’t work that way. Women are biologically programmed, no matter what women say to the contrary, to want a man who has her back in the event of a threat or danger. If there is another 9/11, tsunami, earthquake, car crash, or we get attacked by aliens, women want to KNOW that the man they picked is ready to pull them out of danger. In general, men are (physically) bigger, better (able to assess and deal with the danger), faster, and stronger than women…which is why women subconsciously seek out this type of man.
Sure, it might be nice to have a guy go with her to the mall or carry her purse while she’s in the dressing room, but if there is a bomb blast, she is not going to want to stay with a man who’s going to cry or hide under the clothes rack.
The keyword here is “should”. Don’t look at what women “should” pick. Instead, look at whom they DO pick.
2. Women want a man who has money, tats, and/or a motorcycle.
It’s not that women need these obvious markers. It’s more about what the markers REPRESENT. They represent that a guy has confidence, skill, can take risks, is edgy, and not afraid of being his own person. All of the just mentioned attributes come in handy when there is a threat/danger (see the previous section).
Disclaimer: Many women today, especially young women, do need obvious markers. The reason is they don’t have the skill or experience to determine what kind of guy he is (his character or his physical strength) without an obvious marker (money, power, fame, or a physical object, like a motorcycle, car, or house). The reason this is so is because many of these women grew up without a dominant father or father figure who typically could have taught them such things.
Stay clear of this type of woman. At the end of the day, you’re not going to want a woman who cannot discern a Good Guy from a bad guy. She doesn’t deserve you.
3. That above-average looking women are harder to get.
Car logic doesn’t apply to women.
FACT: A car that is well-maintained, both visually and mechanically, is worth more than a car that is neglected and beat up.
There are very few women in the world who wake up in the morning and are naturally beautiful. Let’s say maybe 100 in the world. The rest of the ‘drop-dead gorgeous’ women have to work at it. Such women start off as 7’s, to end up being a near-10. It takes a village of people and lots of maintenance to look that good. Eating well, getting restful sleep, low alcohol, working out, watching her diet, primping, prodding, plucking, tweezing, waxing, cutting, curling, dying, moisturizing, on and on. In order to get from a 7 to a 10 (an LA 10), she has to be obsessive about her looks.
Now you’re going to say…See? Just like a car, right? All that maintenance to be beautiful means that she should be harder to get as there is going to be more competition to get her, right?
No. You didn’t factor in these two very important points.
a. She’s obsessive, remember? That degree of obsession usually occurs because of low self-esteem. Notice the ladies who are “large and in charge”. The large women are the ones with the highest amount of self-esteem. They don’t care about their looks and they don’t care that you care about their looks (and hence, they aren’t obsessing). Because our pretty woman has low self-esteem, she is actually easier to get than those who rate below a 7. Message to you? Go after the most beautiful woman you can find. Your odds are not worse than the below 7’s, and heck, the odds are actually in your favor.
b. Most guys think that the most beautiful women are the hardest to get. If most guys are thinking that that means that no one is asking her out!
FACT: Some of the most beautiful women are sitting alone at home on a Friday night! Don’t make the assumption that they are always out or taken.
Since she has been sitting alone most of the time, she is actually more eager to get out of the house and go out with you.
4. It’s ok for her to take your number (hit on you first, ask you out first, arrange the first date, propose to you, etc.).
FACT: Men hate rejection. It’s really hard to be turned down. That being said, you keep your animal chops when you are the aggressor. Most men really like the hunt and the chase. It’s really the most fun part of dating, if you let it. It reconfirms that you have what it takes to ask her out. That builds your confidence…and we all know just how important confidence is to a woman. It’s everything!
Men who think it is ok for the woman to step up first usually do have confidence issues. It may work for a minute for her to approach you first, but at the end of the day (a few months later), she won’t respect you. Women who are put in this position often will manipulate you just because they can. I don’t think it’s okay with any man to be disrespected. It’s really not a cycle you want to get into. If you have trouble approaching women, let’s work on that. The sexes are not equal. Relationships work best when you make the first move. After you have established that you have confidence, in her eyes, you can then take turns leading the charge. Until then, all eyes are on you.
5. There’s nothing more important than having a girl that you can do things with, right?
You work hard. In your off-time, you really just want to relax and have fun. Many men choose women just because they have similar interests. While there is nothing wrong with that, you shouldn’t choose her only because of this trait. There are key things I teach men to look for that will enhance and solidify any relationship. If you are considering having her around for the long-haul, you also should be looking at whether your values and morals match up. Values and morals are set in stone by age 7. It’s not likely that you are going to change that part of her personality, nor are you going to be happy long term if she has traits that are at odds with your values and morals.
Does she respect you? That’s a big one, too. There are a couple more traits that I would like you to look at, too. Get the list of the three other traits in my book that need to be in your line up to evaluate whether or not you’re keeping her long term.
6. Women want a man who makes them laugh.
Sure, most women will tell you they love a guy who makes them laugh. Who doesn’t want to laugh and have a good time? What they don’t tell you is just laughing is not enough to win her over. I once had a high school friend who is the funniest guy I’ve ever met. Every 10 years, we meet at the reunion. I am in stitches every time I see him. He even tried to date me after college. Not a chance. He is just not date-worthy. I can’t quite put my finger on it but let’s say it’s a confidence issue. He’s a helluva nice guy, maybe even too nice. I guess I get the feeling that he would be a push-over (meaning having no backbone) which is why I was not interested in dating him.
Some men use laughter as a cover-up to push down insecure feelings they have about themselves. It’s sort of like the guy who is 5’7” who would like to be taller. Whatever it is they don’t feel good about needs to be addressed on a personal growth level, rather than using laughter (or a fancy car, expensive dinner, or other perks) to conceal their insecurity.
It turns out that my high school friend was adopted. I suspect those unresolved feelings of feeling ‘less than’ come from that. Although his adoptive parents were very loving and supportive, he never did meet his birth parents and he feels a lot of angst over that.
7. It’s cool that you walk their teacup dog.
Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar, right? Walking her teacup dog is not just walking a teacup dog. Most grown men would never own a teacup dog. Walking her dog is an announcement, an announcement to the whole neighborhood, that YOU are walking her dog. Basically, much to her dismay, she can’t follow you around day and night to see what you’re up to and who you’re talking to. Your walking her teacup dog acts as a giant, moving billboard telling the neighborhood that you belong to her. While you’re walking the teacup dog, the dog serves as a deterrent from other women talking to you.
This same territorial logic also applies when your woman sends you to the market to get her tampons. She really just needs milk, but she is also going to have to get her some tampons. At checkout, other women know you are taken because you have a box on tampons in your basket.
Bottom line? Don’t walk teacup dogs or buy her tampons…ever! It’s an ingenuous way of controlling you.
8. There’s nothing wrong with long-distance relationships. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
No. There comes a time when someone will have to move. Usually men don’t move because of their job and women don’t move because they don’t want to leave their friends and family.
Unless you live in a really small town in Idaho or Montana, I am not going to give you a hall pass on this issue. Studies have shown that people choose potential partners from really far away because, emotionally speaking, they just don’t really want to be in a relationship. The physical distance usually guarantees the emotional distance.
It’s ok if you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. It is selfish and unfair to ask the other person to get invested in you when you have little or no investment in her.
There are ways to find women in your own town. You just need a new skill set if the numbers seem against you. I teach how to be more effective with your search.
9. You should believe her when she talks about birth control.
It’s not that she’s trying to lie or deceive you. It’s more that it doesn’t matter what she says about birth control. The body wants what the body wants. Meaning that her hormones will eventually take over and she will catch feelings for you. When that happens, usually about the 3 month mark, she will conveniently “forget” to take the Pill or neglect using birth control. Unless she has a semi-permanent method, like an IUD, an implant, or shot, and you were there to confirm its administration, you really can’t trust what she says about birth control.
10. There’s nothing you can do to prevent her from cheating on you.
Yes, there is a proven way you can tell whether or not she will cheat on you. It’s very simple when you know what to look for. Details are in my book, MASTERING WOMEN. You can’t just ask her because people who are cheating or thinking about cheating will lie. It does NOT involve trailing her, putting a private detective on her, or breaking into her cell phone. 4 simple traits will give you the peace of mind you are looking for.
11. There’s no way to tell if she really loves you for you, right?
So many women today marry the idea rather than the person. Meaning they are more wrapped up in the event: the dress, the attention, the gifts, etc. than you. Today, it is less about the guy and more about how the event makes her feel (special). Many women have been dreaming about their special day since they were five years old. Disney movies further cement this notion by having the handsome Prince sweep them away. The movie usually has a problem that the Prince needs to overcome to win over the pretty damsel. That struggle makes the outcome even sweeter. That’s a lot of fairy tale dust that your average guy must live up to to win his girl with the same intensity.
So, is there any hope for you? Yes, there is. My 4 proven steps will insure that your day has come and she loves you for you, no matter how grand a wedding she is planning. Heck, she is so in love with you that she doesn’t even need a wedding! How do you like them apples?
As you can see, there are lots of lies and misconceptions about dating that women will have you believe. Get smart, don’t be duped, and be more effective with women. Find out more about these tips and others in my book MASTERING WOMEN.