Review of 50 Shades of Grey.

Dakota Johnson is the sole reason to see this movie. dakota johnson. Dakota?  She is absolutely fantastic!  I hope they put her in every movie for the next 10 years.  She is a delightful combination of Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn.  She is innocent and seductive at the same time.  Quite an unusual combination for today’s young actresses.  She disperses unexpected amounts of feistiness to the role which captures our imagination.  Well done! — Reasons this movie didn’t make it…

  1. Jamie Dornan. He is kind of a drip.  I realize he is meant to be all business, but instead of being a drip, he should have been ‘ruthless’.  At least that would have been more engaging. jamie dornan

I hear that he wants to drop out of the sequels because his wife doesn’t approve of the kind of movie this is.  First off, why are you doing what your wife says when it comes to business?  Pussy.  Secondly, didn’t your wife know what kind of movie this is PRIOR to signing the contract?  This insecurity translates to the screen.  If the script calls for you to be a dominant man (both in business and in bed), you have to have that element in your personal life to tap into the role properly.

  1. The guy is supposed to be drop-dead gorgeous. Although his abs get perfect 10’s, his face is Not all that cute, in fact, in many camera angles, he is downright ugly.  If he is going to be an a*hole, at least make it a face that we are glued to.

If Dornan drops out, I vote for Ryan Serhant, of Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing to step in.  He is ruthless in business, has great abs, and is cute from all angles. Ryan Serhant

  1. I realize this movie is about being a sex slave. In general, most women are not into that.  I know the definition of ‘slave’ means you are subservient to your master’s requests.  For that, it is hard to watch a movie where the sex fetishes are only for him.  It is lop-sided and painful to watch.  You have to wonder what is in it for her?  Ok, so he acquiesced to take her out on a date once a week.  That’s huge.  I should call in a brass band.

Sure the movie is about being a sex slave, but you have to be mindful of who your audience is.  Your audience is female.  You have to give them something.  You either have to have her use her beguiling ways to turn some of the fetishes back on him (make him the slave, in a not-so-obvious way.  It cannot be an obvious way, as that is male energy.  It has to be in a non-direct (beguiling) way which is feminine energy.  I know, I know, this is a lost art, but hey, the author sold 100 million books.  Figure it out! katie kloss
(watch the rest of this vid:

Another way to give something to the female viewers (since we don’t get turned on the same way as men do) is to present something that turns her on.  When I was single, I had a phone relationship with someone who was a sexoholic.  He was very sharp to know that the sexes are different.  He would scour the internet to bring me something that might turn me on.  By bringing me something to get worked up on, I would be more willing to give him something he needed.  Since most fetishes are for men, I found that the things that turned me on were things that didn’t do a thing for the guy.  Yay!  The spotlight was on me…as it should be.

  1. Art direction/filming. I saw the same scene over and over again and I got bored.  Film it in a different way.  Focus on breast, pan down to the lowest point just prior to filming the vagina, then cut away.  C’mon, this happened at least 6 times in the same way.  Figure out other angles to film her naked.

The good about this shot is that I think Dakota will be solely responsible for making small breasts ‘in’.  Yay!  Someone needs to reverse the trend for fake boobs.  Her breasts are delicious. stepping into tub

  1. The ending pisses the viewer off. The woman behind me came this close to throwing her soda at the screen.  All of us felt the same way.  Have an abrupt ending?  Sure.  Have an ending where there are loose ends?  Sure.  Have an ending that teases the viewer?  Sure.  There are dozens of ways the movie could have ended.  I’m sure pissing them off isn’t one of them.  I don’t know how you expect the viewer to come back (for two more installments) if you tick them off.  It would be like going to a nice restaurant and knowing that the chef put a bodily fluid in your food.  I don’t care how good the meal was.  It’s not going to allure you to return.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? See the movie because of Miss Johnson, replace Dornan, and make the script alluring to women and you will double your sales.  Of course, this movie already made 400 million dollars in 10 days (with a 40 million dollar budget).  The bean counters don’t make changes when the cash registers are ringing.  I really wanted to like this movie, but in its current state, it’s not working.

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