You are wrong. Business Lesson from DT.

Business Lesson from DT: When you are angry, rather than saying “You are wrong.” instead say “I am disappointed…”

“You are wrong”, starts an argument.  It’s an attack.

“I am disappointed” (the formula is the word ‘I” plus an emotion word).

The person can’t argue with an emotion.  You, in essence, are inferring they are wrong without directly saying it.  This better approach causes reflection on their part (What did I do wrong?).  You are more likely to get a positive outcome if THEY come to the conclusion they are wrong, rather than you saying it.

I was recently made two wonderful offers by different people who were very excited to start our upcoming projects.  After the hype, not only was there lack of commitment, there were crickets.  They stopped responding altogether.

After frustration and second guessing, I decided to use my formula.  BOTH of my fence sitters responded, almost immediately, and made good on the situation.  Fence sitter #1 offered an alternative solution that also works for me.  Fence sitter #2 offered a better-than-expected solution.

Moral of the story?  People are basically good.  They got away with being bad.  You have to push the right button (“I am disappointed”) to make them accountable.  Once accountable, they often will do the right thing.  I think one trouble in our society is there is no public square to shame anymore.  So, people are left to be as bad as they want to.  Don’t be that person that allows them to get away with bad behavior.  Our base nature is to be animals.  Anyone can be a jackass.  It takes courage and fortitude to stand up for what you believe in.  Actually, it’s not even that.  It takes the right choice of words.  You can be scared to death, but if you use the right choice of words, you will prevail.

I give you this gift.  Use this formula: (‘I” plus an emotion word).  Remember it when you next need it.  The tactic is based in science, called NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming.  The words (Linguistic) cause electrical, synaptic firings (Neuro) in our bodies (aka nerves and emotions, and therefore action).

Doing the opposite of this, i.e. sitting on our feelings causes stagnation, having us feel bad, and if continued, cancer.  I want you to soar like an eagle because cancer is for the birds.

It wrong for people to disrespect us.  What I want you to connect with is it is also wrong for us to let them get away with it.  Peace.

Can a Guy ‘Life-Hack’ a Girl’s Operating System?

Baseball Caps, Beards, Biceps, Body Symmetry, Broad shoulders, Cologne, Jawline. Let’s define terms.  What is a “Life-Hack’?  Much like a phone-hack, “jail-breaking” your phone is where you break into your phone to override its functionality to one that you personalize.  The reader is asking if you can ‘Life-Hack’ your girl.  He is wondering whether a guy can override a girl’s pre-programmed desire. Let’s have a look.

  1. Baseball caps? Who cares? This is not part of her operating system. It’s just trendy right now. If girls say they like them, it’s not the cap, but HOW you wear it. You have to wear it like you own it. Bring out your inner rapper and act like your Lambo is parked around the corner.
  2. Beards? Most women don’t like beards. They are scratchy and they hurt. Since most women like to kiss, this could be a negative. Few men have beards that aren’t scratchy. Maybe if you’re blondish, the hair would be softer. Why do women say they like it? If we are looking at a movie poster, i.e. from afar, a face we don’t have to kiss, it conjures up that you have been in the wild finding us food or killing the bad guys.Liam Hemsworth, yes. 3 days is good.
    Seth Rogan? Not so much.
  3. Biceps. This one is hard-wired. In general, Mother Nature made men bigger, badder, stronger, faster than women. Biceps represent strength. In the event of a threat or danger, you look like you can handle the situation. This makes a girl feel safe and protected. Every guy can pump some iron at the gym. Get to it.
  4. Body symmetry. Psychologically speaking, this trait holds true for both sexes. Symmetry represents good health, meaning good for breading. If something is out of alignment and you can work on it, do so. A strong body is a good body.
  5. Broad shoulders. Yes. For the same reasons as Biceps. Women favor strength that they don’t have.
  6. Cologne. The global perfume market is worth about 30 billion dollars! Yes, women are attracted to fragrance. In a recent famous study, women were asked to rate the attractiveness of sweaty t-shirts worn most recently by men. Women were drawn to men who have a scent different than their own. Biologically speaking, divergent genetic makeup is nature’s way of preventing in-breeding. Chemistry not only comprises whether you (emotionally) click or not, but also a person’s scent. This strong chemical composition, otherwise known as Pheromones, magnetically bond us to people we are supposed to mate with to give the offspring an advantage in fighting disease.Out of 300 de-boarding passengers, I was eventually able to figure out where the scent was coming from and followed a guy from the concourse to the baggage area to find out what scent he was wearing. Calvin Klein’s Obsession for Men. It was like a drug. I couldn’t not trail him. Scent is very powerful for women. I’d head over to the nearest fragrance counter to figure out what works best for you.
  7. Jawline. Aside from this feature being very photogenic, this physical attribute connotes competency. A baby’s face, which is usually round and pudgy, is still immature. Conversely, men who have defined jawlines indicate maturity. Of course, it has nothing to do with age, as genetically, some people are more blessed than others and their profile does not change with time. That being said, women prefer a strong line. A Princeton professor claimed he could predict congressional candidates with 70% accuracy by just rating their jawlines.I suppose if you have a weak jawline, you could cover that up with a beard, but then there is the danger of offending some women who do not like beards.

In summary, is it possible to jailbreak your girl?  Yes.  After watching how Jodi Arias

honeymooned the jurors, yes, anything is possible.  Should you do it?  To maximize the cast of your net, I think each guy should do whatever he can to accentuate the positives and downplay the negatives.  Some aspects of the attributes are genetically there and you have to let those go. Overall, more important than the attributes is not what they are but how you play them.  CONFIDENCE trumps all.  Being 5’7” is not on any woman’s like-ability radar.  That being said, when Tom Cruise walks into the room, everyone notices.

The more important question is why would you want to change her genetic outlook?  Much like the phone, once you hack into it, you can’t go back to the original operating system.  Guys don’t like it when the girl has had her boobs altered, looks nothing like her pre-made up face, or takes her Spanx off to reveal a sack full of mush.  If you have to resort to deceit and games to get her to like you, then you haven’t done what it takes to get her to like you.  Forget your list above.  It’s 99% CONFIDENCE.  I’d chalk up the remaining 1% to “It’s not meant to be”.  If she isn’t attracted to you, it’s for a reason.  According to my principle, nature works best when it’s easy.  If you have to force a round peg into a square hole, you’re going to end up breaking the whole table.

Follow your gut on whom you are naturally attracted to.  Nature isn’t stupid.  It has safeguards there for a reason.  The rest of your time, spend it on increasing your CONFIDENCE.

For how to begin/increase your Confidence, check out my book:
Twitter:  @dt4m

Come Visit me April 18th and 19th, 10-6pm, at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, Booth #2050, Indie Author’s Table @USC.  Free Admission.