About dt4m

the Men's Advocate.

Regain Your Manhood.


Is she gaining the upper hand? What you can say to reclaim that YOU are the top dog in the relationship?  Also, things that make a man look weak.

Note:  The 4C’s: CONFIDENCE, Connect with Her, Caring, and Character, are the required characteristics that a man must have to win over any woman, for any reason (one night stand all the way to your forever girl, and everyone in between). Get a copy of my book:  Mastering Women.

Amazon cover. 12-16

  • A man of few words or being silent? Does work with other men, but doesn’t work with women. Instead. Acknowledge, 3rd C: “I see how you feel that way. Let me say this about that.” Either find a solution to the problem or validate how she is feeling.
  • If you can’t talk, say you can’t talk. Instead say: “I can’t discuss this right now. Can we pick up after I come home from work?” and then, keep your word and YOU bring it up. (Send yourself a text reminder.) 
  • Don’t just ‘hang out’. Instead: find ways to help, lift, solve, and teach. Why? It establishes your 1st C, CONFIDENCE.
  • Not being the disciplinarian to your kids. Never let your kids disrespect their mom. It benefits the kids by looking up to you and it benefits her by having her back. Again, CONFIDENCE factor is intact.
  • Letting others disrespect your woman in public. It means that YOU don’t respect her if you let this behavior continue. Never let this happen.
  • Road rage because he cut you off or she didn’t use her turn signal. Really? There really are more important things in life. If you find yourself constantly ready to blow someone’s head off on the road, it rarely is about the other driver. Do some self-examination. Find out what REALLY is bugging you. Most likely, it’s your boss or a difficult person in your life. Get that stuff handled! Having Road Rage is passive behavior. Being passive is for chicks. Take charge of what is weighing you down. It’s not some random driver that has you so hot.
  • Beer Belly. Have that 40 extra pounds around your middle? In addition to it not being a good look and it’s bad for your health, you want to look like you can step up if the situation calls for it. Strength = virility = sexy. Plus, how smart you will look when your clothes just hang well? Mmm, women notice. Women will swoon. Time to hit the gym.
  • I dunno. What do you want to eat? Being wishy-washy is NOT a good, manly look. Make a decision. Book the location. Take charge. You might be ready with a Plan B, just in case she already had Chinese for lunch. Other than that, you be in command. That is what women respect.

stressed man

  • Don’t depend on women for validation. Instead, unless stated otherwise, act as if you ALREADY HAVE the validation. This exudes CONFIDENCE. Waiting for validation means you are fearful that you won’t get sex. It really has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Focusing on the issue at hand will also avoid creating roadblocks to sex.
  • Stop being ANGRY. Being angry means you don’t have control over your emotions. Confident men figure things out. You research, you evaluate, and you execute…and you do so with purpose and by being a gentleman. You’re not 5 years old. What are you going to do next? Throw yourself on the floor and pout? Because that is what we think when you go to anger.
  • Exiting a relationship doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Many men let her end the relationship. They do this by cheating or having deplorable behavior so SHE will have to break up with you. This is clearly passive behavior. It means you can’t face hard issues. Learn to break up kindly, tell her why, and then get out. It is a skill you can use in personal relationships as well as in business. Anything less is beneath you.
  • Don’t keep all chick friends. Yes, women listen better. Yes, it is easier to be friends with women. That being said, men need men. Get your validation from other men. You may not want to hear what another man says, but it usually is good advice. Men will give it to you straight. Make it your business to always have at least one male friend you can really confide in.
  • Get dirty. Sure, you may like going to the latest foreign flick or to the opera. That being said, always remember to mix it up. For example, nothing says being a man like going into the wilderness and dealing with adversity or the unknown. Going on a camping trip to get in touch with your natural strength, independence, and manliness is just what the doctor ordered.

  • Quit acting like you’re a stud in bed. You’re not. This is one area where I DON’T recommend you act like you know more than you do. Read anything and everything you can on the subject. Interview current and past girlfriends. Interview random women. Men who get this subject handled even interview call girls for their take on technique. Women don’t chop off penises or poison their partner with men who are making her happy in bed. Don’t be that fool.
  • Don’t be a Nice Guy. A Nice Guy is a chump who can’t close the deal. When you are first dating a girl, focus on Attraction, not Affection. You have to present yourself that you DO want sex with her. You cannot voice this, as that is creepy, but your actions must state clearly that you are ready to consume her. You don’t have to act on the physical aspect just yet, but you do have to convey you want more to do with her than her brother.

  • Dancing. Many men ignore the power of dancing as they may not be good at it. My advice? Get good at it. It is a definite show of CONFIDENCE, control, and power. It absolutely translates into her wanting to have sex with you.
  • Wear a condom. Not wearing one means you don’t care about your future or your wallet. Don’t be stupid.
  • Go to the doctor and dentist regularly. Not doing so means you don’t care about life or what happens to you. Early detection, in many cases means the difference between life, the quality of life, or death. Quit being a baby and get this handled.
  • Quit listening to dream killers. They aren’t living your life. YOU are. Act as if you can and will succeed at your efforts and do everything possible to make that happen.
  • Stop being a deadbeat. Order a copy of your credit report. Get the line items cleaned up. If you don’t know how call the credit bureaus or even hire an attorney. A clean credit report gives you peace of mind and the best financing rates. No sense in throwing good money away. Take steps to get your credit over 700, then over 750, then over 800. You’ll finally sleep easier.

  • She holds the purse strings. Sure, it’s easy. She has a great job and is out-earning you. Most men would jump for joy with a situation like this…BUT, you lose RESPECT in her eyes. Instead: getting a degree or more training will often translate to more dollars. Also, that hobby of yours that you are good at needs a thorough evaluation. Maybe you’re on to something that will generate extra income or even lead to self-employment where you can better control your financial fate.

  • Hating your job is a form of complaining. If you can change the aspect that you don’t like, do it. If you can change departments or change to a different manager, do it. Otherwise, if the situation is hopeless, start job hunting. Life is too short to be miserable. What this means to her? You’re taking charge. CONFIDENCE. You’re a leader by making things happen.
  • Get financially sound. In most metropolitan cities, you know you need at least $75,000 to $100,000 a year just to live. This means you can pay all your bills, put money aside for emergencies, do a little investing, and have some money left over for the nice things in life, like fine dining and travel. Anything less means you don’t love yourself enough to be self-sufficient.

  • Have extra money. It’s not the money that women love, it is what the money represents = CONFIDENCE. It also means that YOU respect yourself enough to do something nice for yourself. I’m not saying to buy a car you can’t afford, as you should live below your means. What I am saying is there is nothing sexier than a guy who has a little extra money for the finer things in life. Maybe it’s buying that cigar or special bourbon, getting a massage, having a steam at the club, getting sporting event tickets, going to see your favorite band in concert, or getting to go to that ski resort you’ve had on your bucket list for a while.

Bottom line? It’s all about personal action.  Being passive is for chicks.  Taking charge results in getting more out of life, happiness, and yes, of course, more chicks.

 

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Equal Pay for Un-equal Work.


The first wave of feminism began in the 1920’s with women getting the right to vote.

Here we are some 40 years since the second wave of Women’s Lib and women are still crying that they are not getting equal pay. So, how did this notion of Equal Pay get started? The notion of Equal Pay got started when women were liberated from their bodies with the invention of The Pill, which went into widespread use in the early 1970’s.  No longer did women have to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.  Women, suddenly had a choice.  They could choose to delay pregnancy, and instead, could choose to further their education, travel, go into the workforce, or choose to be an entrepreneur.  This freedom led to dollars coming into the household, meaning that they no longer had to be beholden to a man for financial sustenance.

As such, women began to evaluate their situation and decided they no longer had to stay with men they didn’t care for. As a result, it was the highest divorce rate in our history, as these women in the 70’s decided that these men were simply not worth putting up with a minute longer.

Prior to The Pill, men were solely responsible for putting food on the table and a roof over the family’s head. Since these newly-independent women were bringing in money, they no longer needed men, or so they thought… Since these women decided that they no longer needed their men for money, after kicking the men to the curb, they figured while we are at it, why even have men at all?  Men began to become irrelevant and thus started the downward spiral of the de-humanization of men.  Since these moms were bringing home the bacon, they figured they could also raise the children on their own.  This way of thinking was so pervasive that these moms also decided to prevent the men from seeing their children, especially their young sons.  The mothers could then raise men how they deemed fit.  So, they proceeded to raise their young boys, in their mind, with the characteristics of what an ideal man ‘should be’ and since men were deemed irrelevant, they raised their boys without male involvement.
It brings to mind such songs as “Anything You Can Do”, from the movie ‘Annie Get Your Gun’ and “I am Woman”, in 1971 from Helen Reddy, to today’s Katy Perry’s song, “Roar”, released in 2013. Bottom line?  Not only can a woman do whatever a man can do…she can do it better!

This commonly held belief led to women to decide that if she is going to do the same job as a man, then she deserves to be paid equally. Now, women can feasibly sing a song as well as men, but ANY job?  This is the part they didn’t think through…

equal-pay-day

The second wave of Women’s Lib led to the mantra of getting equal pay. In theory, it’s not a bad premise, ‘Equal Pay for Equal Work’, but there were many flaws in that logic that has prevented its passage four decades later.

If we are comparing exactly the same job, women DO get paid equally (in fact, in some categories, women make more).  Compare a female executive secretary to a male executive secretary, compare a female civil engineer to a male civil engineer, compare a female pediatrician to a male pediatrician…and the math is equal.  But, that is not what women are comparing.  Women compare ALL jobs combined and compared it to all male pay and you get the famous ‘70¢ on the dollar’.

The problem with this logic is that men take riskier jobs (that pay more for that risk); men take jobs that require higher levels of education (which gets compensated better, as it should be); men work longer hours (as women often take off more sick days, go to see the doctor more often, and take the kids to the doctor or to the soccer game), and on and on. These statistics are readily available. Warren Farrell, one of the first self-confessed male feminists who served on the board of NOW, the National Organization of Women, wrote a recent book Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap, spells out 25 differences in male and female work-life choices that account for most or all of the pay gap more accurately than do claims of discrimination against women.

Women should not demand getting hired, getting a raise, getting a certain salary, or getting a promotion because the inference is they deserve these benefits solely based on their gender.

No CEO cares about your gender. In fact, the CEO doesn’t even care if you are red, green, black, or have polka dots.  All CEO’s/managers care about is the bottom line.  Are YOU adding to the bottom line?  If not, then there is nothing there to talk about.

dont-let-the-bottom-line-seduce-your-cloud-services-provider-selection

In my experience, when I was a new hire, I put my nose to the grindstone, and just shut up and did the work. Sooner or later, the boss would notice my efforts.  Usually, that point was about the six month mark.  Here’s how I knew I was “in”…the boss would invite me to an after-hours event, like a sport fishing trip or golf, or a sporting event.  From that moment on, I was on “equal” footing.  No crying, begging, or screaming about my gender was necessary.  Bosses look to see if you’re doing the work.  If you are adding to their bottom line, you will get the raise/promotion.

Since then, many of my male readers have shared the same experience. They told me when they were new, they also had to “earn their stripes”, meaning that nothing was just given to them or taken for granted, and no assessment was made based on gender or any other attribute that was unrelated to the bottom line.

Is the so-called gender gap solvable? Of course…but not using the methods of our predecessors or current women.  They are demanding equal pay, which is in essence telling the boss to “even the score based on gender”, which I find sadly humorous.  If you are hired, promoted, or given a raise based on gender, it is actually demeaning you because it means you are being rewarded for effort that you never did, similar to being rewarded due to height or eye color, not because of your work.  For me, it is far more satisfying to get merit because my work ethic stands out.

Women are not the same as men. In fact, women have many skills that are extremely valuable in the workplace.  One such example is female EMT’s (emergency medical technicians) who do a much better job of allaying a patient’s fears and calming them down while administering rescue procedures.  As a result, compared to male EMTs, a higher number of patients don’t die before reaching the hospital.

There are many similar examples in other fields. Instead of crying that women should be paid equally, we should embrace our differences and the contributions that each gender adds to the success of the company.

people-working-together

At the end of the day, the best companies find ways to work well together, and in so doing, the individual also gets personal satisfaction, and that includes women.


Linda is the author of, FOR MEN:   Mastering Women. The Real Truth About Women That Will Change Your Life Forever.

Book, For Women:  Hitched…in 90 Days or Less. Attract and Keep the Man of Your Dreams.

Listen to her Radio Show.  Click for program details and links:  The Men’s Advocate Show with Linda Gross, every Wednesday, at 3pm PST/6pm EST and listen on-demand:  Current Shows and All Archived Shows.

I hated Bao. Food trends for the Decades, according to DT.


1990’s. Bao. I hated these things. To me, they were water-logged, soggy dumplings. They were all the rage. People ate them at least once a week. New Bao restaurants popped up everywhere. Of course, there was even a restaurant called Bao Wow (play on words). Who needs Bao when there is ravioli? These baseball-shaped, culinary mishaps were a big ‘no’ for me.

2000’s. The return of the Cupcakes. They were bigger and more calorie-laden than ever. It used to be just a smear of icing. In the last decade, it was a misnomer to even call these monsters a ‘cupcake’ as it was just a See’s candy topping that just happened to have some cake underneath it. When Oprah started flying out her favorite cupcake, Sprinkles, from Beverly Hills to Chicago, this craze took hold.

Sprinkles
The icing is sky-high, at about an inch.

An ancillary mention to cupcakes were the CroNuts, a cross between a Doughnut and a Croissant. The delectable, high-butter content dough is first fried, then stuffed with cream or (fruit) filling.  Some ‘nut’ jobs lined up at 3 in the morning to get one before they ran out for the day.

CroNut

2010’s. Hmmm. A tough one. I am going to say hamburgers. There are so many good quality meats out now that chefs just took hamburgers to the next level. My favorite is Umami Burger, made with 3 different types of meat grinded up: beef brisket, skirt steak, and sirloin steak. Delish.

 Umami

Stout Burger is a good entry. For Kobe Beef burgers, the Japanese interbred their cows with European cattle to produce meat with a high percentage of marbling, which yields a high-flavor profile. Also, this cattle is aged almost a full year longer than American cattle. A slower approach yields better meat, some would say.
  Kobe
 Waygu made on a salt plate.

Waygu burgers, made from Japanese cows that are genetically predisposed to have excess marbling to yield the precise amount of fat (flavor). The burgers from New York City’s Bistro Moderne made news because they cost $50. They are made from ground sirloin and braised short ribs. The hefty price tag is because it is stuffed with black truffles. To me? Who cares? Although I love truffles, I find it cheating to raise the price on account of the truffles instead of competing just at the burger level. Fail. What are they going to do next? Add diamond dust to the burger and call it ‘The $500 Burger’? Let’s not leave the BBQ Boys out of the picture. Their beer can burgers make you bless the day that beer was invented just to have beer can burgers in our decade. Well done, cowboys.

Beer Can burgers

1960’s. Jello Mold. I am convinced that most moms from the 60’s could not cook a lick. It was just before the invention of The Pill and they had to keep popping out babies. Who had time to cook with all those mouths to feed? You heard of “my husband only eats steak and potatoes” insinuating that steak was somehow a manly meal? I recently realized that I had this expression all wrong. It had nothing to do with men. It spoke to just how little the moms of the day could cook…none. First off, putting on a steak, hamburgers, or hot dogs on the grill was the dad’s duty. All she had to do was poke a few holes in a potatoes, wrap them in tin foil, and put them in the oven for an hour. You can’t make potatoes wrong (unless you undercook them = no skill required.) To round out her culinary skills, she made peas or corn. To really get fancy…she made ‘baby’ peas, not that she knew how to cook those, either. And if she wanted less trips to the market, so she would have more time for her soap operas before the kiddies got out of school, she would stock up on frozen peas and corn. She made sure to cook the life out of these, and other vegetables, usually, at least a half-hour or more, because that’s how long it took her to down her martini. Let’s face it, after dad got home, after a couple of martinis, no one cared whether you could cook or not. Little did she know that most vegetables only take 4 minutes to cook. We didn’t learn that technique for decades. When dad didn’t want to fire up the barbie, thank goodness along with the Space Age came those TV dinners. Pop that Salisbury Steak in the oven for 26 minutes and you’re good to go. It even gave you an apple fritter for your enjoyment. Done.

So what did these moms spend time with? Yup. Those dreadful jello molds. They kept finding more and more ways to add horrible ingredients to their jello molds. It took decades for these moms to finally stop making these things. Some foods, like fruit cakes during the holidays, just need to be retired. Gelatin should only be used as a supplement to strengthen hair and nails. I’d be happy to never see one of these molds ever again.

Jello

1970’s. On the heels of 60’s moms not learning a thing in the kitchen, in the 70’s, mom had to at least pretend they were cooking. Since many things in the 70’s were fake: vinyl, linoleum floors, plastic seat covers, microwaves, along came the invention of processed foods. These foods were already prepared in test kitchens to taste good. All you had to do is add the meat/chicken. Yes, it was the era of the ‘easy’: sloppy joes, shake ‘n bakes, and hamburger helper.

Hamburger Helper

1980’s. Blackened Cajun food. With the surge of Louisiana cooking, came Chef Prudhomme’s Cajon Blackfish. Yummy yum yum. I love seasoning. I love spicy foods. Two of the best cooks I have ever met in my life are both from Louisiana. Both of them can go in YOUR kitchen and make something out of absolutely nothing. Both came from poor beginnings and are only resourced with imagination and creativity. Anyone can follow a recipe. To me, what makes a chef/cook great is someone who knows their seasonings: how to blend them, how to use them, whether to use them dry or make a sauce with them. That is the magic of the art. In New Orleans, you are taking their fine cuisine background, French, and marrying that talent with American Jazz. All good. No blue notes here!

Blackened Salmon

That’s my story.  How about yours?  Which foods did you crave?  Which foods could you NOT wait to get rid of?

How I Got Interviewed by Larry King.


I have been doing radio interviews, both terrestrial and internet, for about two years to promote each of my dating books. I have been a guest or a guest host dozens and dozens of times. Six times, I have been offered to host my own show…and I have said ‘no’, mainly because the offers were for internet radio, and that just didn’t float my boat.

I like to follow other radio people because it gives me inspiration and I learn what they are doing to stay relevant. One such personality is Poorman, Jim Trenton, of KROQ fame from the 80’s. I loved that show and I listened every day. He created a segment called Loveline. His co-host on the segment claimed the show to be his and a fallout ensued. That was about 30 years ago. Over the last year, Poorman was trying to make his comeback to radio and I was following his story to watch his journey unfold. He finally landed a gig with KCAA in the Inland Empire, weekdays at 2pm, PST,  so I wrote him and asked if I could be on his show. I told him we knew some of the same people if he needed to get a reference on me. He agreed to have me on the show that week. The show went so well that there was talk of having me on as a regular guest. I went on his show 3 times, then I asked for my own show.

I am in sales and a marketer. I have tried 1,001 things to help promote my books. Most of what I tried offered lackluster results. On the third episode with Poorman, my sales exploded. At first they were 5x more than regular sales, then the numbers just kept growing and growing. My Amazon sales graph cracked the top 100,000 books. Usually, my numbers hover around 200,000-300,000. Anything under 100,000 and you are on the map and sales are steady (on a scale of best seller, number 1, to being in the top 1,000,000). After that third day, my sales ranking had climbed to 26,000 which is very impressive. That’s when I made the call to get my own show.

I paid my dues. I already did my ‘apprenticeship’ by having my own cable TV show for 18 months while I was researching my men’s book. I was the host and the producer. It was a mountain of work. TV is much harder than radio. I had the director, the cameraman, and the engineer barking orders in my ear piece and I had to act like nothing was happening to keep the show moving. It was stupendously hard. I only quit because I needed to focus to finish my book. I felt I didn’t need more ‘time’ by taking on an internet radio show to gain experience. I was ready.

Since I’m a newbie (and not being paid a fat paycheck), to make my upcoming show viable, I have to gain sponsors, and in rather short order (as my paycheck will come from the sponsors). Ok, I’m up for the challenge, mainly because I want the show so darn badly. I will do whatever it takes!

After I get the job, I’m stressing out about how I am going to get all these sponsors. Shortly thereafter, the phone rings. It’s the reporter from the New York Post whom I met at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books. He says he is covering a media event and thinks I would do well by attending. “Oh”, he adds, “Larry King is the guest of honor.” As I hang up the phone, I think “Boy, do I have lucky stars?” as to whom better to ask than the ‘King of Radio’ about sponsors?

The reporter and I get to the event quite early. Finally, at the appointed time, Mr. King walks in. He is larger than life on TV. In person, although he sturdily strides into the room, his build is much slighter than I anticipated. He is a gracious host and devotedly does his PR duties. Something in me told me that to keep a close eye on him as once his part is done, he will leave. It doesn’t matter that the invite says ‘guest of honor’. As soon as he was done, I approached him. I told him how much I loved his show and I was glued to the set at 9pm Pacific each night to watch for over a decade.

I told him I had just gotten my first radio job and it starts in 3 days.
Mr. King: You’re the host?
DT: Yes.
Mr. King: Where does it air?
DT: Inland Empire and Orange County. People who are not near there can listen on the phone or online.
Mr. King: What’s the topic?
DT: Men’s Issues. I am The Men’s Advocate. It’s a place where men can be men. We will talk about dating, relationships, sex, women, fitness, health, business, male hobbies, and the like. I will be talking about excerpts from my men’s book, too.
Mr. King: What’s your book about?
DT: I interviewed over 20,000 men to ask them what their problems are with women. I have a degree in Psychology from UCLA. I coupled the questionnaires with the academic research to write the book. After all this research, I boiled it down to four elements that any guy could do to win over any woman, any time.
Mr. King: What are the four elements?
At this point, Mr. King looks down at the floor, his head is cocked into position with his left ear upward. Then, as it would seem, right before my eyes, that ear grows to the size of a satellite dish. With the slightest body movement, he lets me know, “Shoot. I’m ready” (to listen). It is as if he wants to savor every morsel of what I’m about to say.
DT: First is CONFIDENCE. Despite what women say that it’s abs, tats, size of your member, wallet size, what kind of car you drive. It’s not the money. It’s what the money represents.
Mr. King: Yup.
DT: When I utter the words “money represents”, his body language speaks to me as if I have just found the secret to life.
Mr. King: Next?
DT: CONNECT WITH HER.
To Mr. King, I knew I didn’t have to define this one as I KNOW to be a good interviewer, you have to do the same thing. You have to engage with people. You have to climb into their world. You have to find the commonality.
Mr. King: Yup. Next?
DT: CARING. You have to give a rip.
At this point, he almost broke muster (his ear tilted upward), as if to say “Ain’t that the truth?” He didn’t because he knew he had one more point to listen to.
Mr. King: Yup.
DT: The last point is CHARACTER. You have to mean what you say and say what you mean. Walk the walk.
Mr. King: Yup.
Wait. They all start with C’s.
DT: Yes. I call my formula the 4C’s.
Mr. King: You’re going to go far, kid.
DT: Thank you.
At this point, his body language is disengaging from his ‘locked and loaded’ position.
How do I go about getting sponsors?
Mr. King: I don’t know. I had a guy do that for me.
DT: What would you tell this newbie on starting my own show?
Mr. King: Just be yourself, kid.

I am so glad that I didn’t take the moment for granted. He stayed for but a few minutes longer and left without fanfare.

How awesome is that to start my journey with the great LARRY KING??
It’s all gonna be good. Can’t wait for you to tune in and call me to say what you think about the show.
Me and Larry.  5-15

Me and Larry with book.  5-15
KCAA 1050 on the AM dial, serving the Inland Empire and Orange County.
Listen through any phone: 832-999-1050
Listen online: Live or on-demand.
Call-in: 888.909.1050

The Men’s Advocate Show with Linda Gross. Where Men can be Men.
Airs, weekly, Wednesdays, 4-5pm, PST.
Become a sponsor: info@dt4m.com
Twitter: @dt4m (Dating Tips for Men.)

You are wrong. Business Lesson from DT.


Business Lesson from DT: When you are angry, rather than saying “You are wrong.” instead say “I am disappointed…”

“You are wrong”, starts an argument.  It’s an attack.

“I am disappointed” (the formula is the word ‘I” plus an emotion word).

The person can’t argue with an emotion.  You, in essence, are inferring they are wrong without directly saying it.  This better approach causes reflection on their part (What did I do wrong?).  You are more likely to get a positive outcome if THEY come to the conclusion they are wrong, rather than you saying it.

I was recently made two wonderful offers by different people who were very excited to start our upcoming projects.  After the hype, not only was there lack of commitment, there were crickets.  They stopped responding altogether.

After frustration and second guessing, I decided to use my formula.  BOTH of my fence sitters responded, almost immediately, and made good on the situation.  Fence sitter #1 offered an alternative solution that also works for me.  Fence sitter #2 offered a better-than-expected solution.

Moral of the story?  People are basically good.  They got away with being bad.  You have to push the right button (“I am disappointed”) to make them accountable.  Once accountable, they often will do the right thing.  I think one trouble in our society is there is no public square to shame anymore.  So, people are left to be as bad as they want to.  Don’t be that person that allows them to get away with bad behavior.  Our base nature is to be animals.  Anyone can be a jackass.  It takes courage and fortitude to stand up for what you believe in.  Actually, it’s not even that.  It takes the right choice of words.  You can be scared to death, but if you use the right choice of words, you will prevail.

I give you this gift.  Use this formula: (‘I” plus an emotion word).  Remember it when you next need it.  The tactic is based in science, called NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming.  The words (Linguistic) cause electrical, synaptic firings (Neuro) in our bodies (aka nerves and emotions, and therefore action).

Doing the opposite of this, i.e. sitting on our feelings causes stagnation, having us feel bad, and if continued, cancer.  I want you to soar like an eagle because cancer is for the birds.

It wrong for people to disrespect us.  What I want you to connect with is it is also wrong for us to let them get away with it.  Peace.

Can a Guy ‘Life-Hack’ a Girl’s Operating System?


Baseball Caps, Beards, Biceps, Body Symmetry, Broad shoulders, Cologne, Jawline. Let’s define terms.  What is a “Life-Hack’?  Much like a phone-hack, “jail-breaking” your phone is where you break into your phone to override its functionality to one that you personalize.  The reader is asking if you can ‘Life-Hack’ your girl.  He is wondering whether a guy can override a girl’s pre-programmed desire. Let’s have a look.

  1. Baseball caps? Who cares? This is not part of her operating system. It’s just trendy right now. If girls say they like them, it’s not the cap, but HOW you wear it. You have to wear it like you own it. Bring out your inner rapper and act like your Lambo is parked around the corner.
  2. Beards? Most women don’t like beards. They are scratchy and they hurt. Since most women like to kiss, this could be a negative. Few men have beards that aren’t scratchy. Maybe if you’re blondish, the hair would be softer. Why do women say they like it? If we are looking at a movie poster, i.e. from afar, a face we don’t have to kiss, it conjures up that you have been in the wild finding us food or killing the bad guys.Liam Hemsworth, yes. 3 days is good.
    Seth Rogan? Not so much.
  3. Biceps. This one is hard-wired. In general, Mother Nature made men bigger, badder, stronger, faster than women. Biceps represent strength. In the event of a threat or danger, you look like you can handle the situation. This makes a girl feel safe and protected. Every guy can pump some iron at the gym. Get to it.
  4. Body symmetry. Psychologically speaking, this trait holds true for both sexes. Symmetry represents good health, meaning good for breading. If something is out of alignment and you can work on it, do so. A strong body is a good body.
  5. Broad shoulders. Yes. For the same reasons as Biceps. Women favor strength that they don’t have.
  6. Cologne. The global perfume market is worth about 30 billion dollars! Yes, women are attracted to fragrance. In a recent famous study, women were asked to rate the attractiveness of sweaty t-shirts worn most recently by men. Women were drawn to men who have a scent different than their own. Biologically speaking, divergent genetic makeup is nature’s way of preventing in-breeding. Chemistry not only comprises whether you (emotionally) click or not, but also a person’s scent. This strong chemical composition, otherwise known as Pheromones, magnetically bond us to people we are supposed to mate with to give the offspring an advantage in fighting disease.Out of 300 de-boarding passengers, I was eventually able to figure out where the scent was coming from and followed a guy from the concourse to the baggage area to find out what scent he was wearing. Calvin Klein’s Obsession for Men. It was like a drug. I couldn’t not trail him. Scent is very powerful for women. I’d head over to the nearest fragrance counter to figure out what works best for you.
  7. Jawline. Aside from this feature being very photogenic, this physical attribute connotes competency. A baby’s face, which is usually round and pudgy, is still immature. Conversely, men who have defined jawlines indicate maturity. Of course, it has nothing to do with age, as genetically, some people are more blessed than others and their profile does not change with time. That being said, women prefer a strong line. A Princeton professor claimed he could predict congressional candidates with 70% accuracy by just rating their jawlines.I suppose if you have a weak jawline, you could cover that up with a beard, but then there is the danger of offending some women who do not like beards.

In summary, is it possible to jailbreak your girl?  Yes.  After watching how Jodi Arias

honeymooned the jurors, yes, anything is possible.  Should you do it?  To maximize the cast of your net, I think each guy should do whatever he can to accentuate the positives and downplay the negatives.  Some aspects of the attributes are genetically there and you have to let those go. Overall, more important than the attributes is not what they are but how you play them.  CONFIDENCE trumps all.  Being 5’7” is not on any woman’s like-ability radar.  That being said, when Tom Cruise walks into the room, everyone notices.

The more important question is why would you want to change her genetic outlook?  Much like the phone, once you hack into it, you can’t go back to the original operating system.  Guys don’t like it when the girl has had her boobs altered, looks nothing like her pre-made up face, or takes her Spanx off to reveal a sack full of mush.  If you have to resort to deceit and games to get her to like you, then you haven’t done what it takes to get her to like you.  Forget your list above.  It’s 99% CONFIDENCE.  I’d chalk up the remaining 1% to “It’s not meant to be”.  If she isn’t attracted to you, it’s for a reason.  According to my principle, nature works best when it’s easy.  If you have to force a round peg into a square hole, you’re going to end up breaking the whole table.

Follow your gut on whom you are naturally attracted to.  Nature isn’t stupid.  It has safeguards there for a reason.  The rest of your time, spend it on increasing your CONFIDENCE.

For how to begin/increase your Confidence, check out my book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B0594II/?tag=dt4m-20
http://www.themensadvocate.com
Twitter:  @dt4m

Come Visit me April 18th and 19th, 10-6pm, at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, Booth #2050, Indie Author’s Table @USC.  Free Admission.

Review of 50 Shades of Grey.


Dakota Johnson is the sole reason to see this movie. dakota johnson. Dakota?  She is absolutely fantastic!  I hope they put her in every movie for the next 10 years.  She is a delightful combination of Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn.  She is innocent and seductive at the same time.  Quite an unusual combination for today’s young actresses.  She disperses unexpected amounts of feistiness to the role which captures our imagination.  Well done! — Reasons this movie didn’t make it…

  1. Jamie Dornan. He is kind of a drip.  I realize he is meant to be all business, but instead of being a drip, he should have been ‘ruthless’.  At least that would have been more engaging. jamie dornan

I hear that he wants to drop out of the sequels because his wife doesn’t approve of the kind of movie this is.  First off, why are you doing what your wife says when it comes to business?  Pussy.  Secondly, didn’t your wife know what kind of movie this is PRIOR to signing the contract?  This insecurity translates to the screen.  If the script calls for you to be a dominant man (both in business and in bed), you have to have that element in your personal life to tap into the role properly.

  1. The guy is supposed to be drop-dead gorgeous. Although his abs get perfect 10’s, his face is Not all that cute, in fact, in many camera angles, he is downright ugly.  If he is going to be an a*hole, at least make it a face that we are glued to.

If Dornan drops out, I vote for Ryan Serhant, of Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing to step in.  He is ruthless in business, has great abs, and is cute from all angles. Ryan Serhant

  1. I realize this movie is about being a sex slave. In general, most women are not into that.  I know the definition of ‘slave’ means you are subservient to your master’s requests.  For that, it is hard to watch a movie where the sex fetishes are only for him.  It is lop-sided and painful to watch.  You have to wonder what is in it for her?  Ok, so he acquiesced to take her out on a date once a week.  That’s huge.  I should call in a brass band.

Sure the movie is about being a sex slave, but you have to be mindful of who your audience is.  Your audience is female.  You have to give them something.  You either have to have her use her beguiling ways to turn some of the fetishes back on him (make him the slave, in a not-so-obvious way.  It cannot be an obvious way, as that is male energy.  It has to be in a non-direct (beguiling) way which is feminine energy.  I know, I know, this is a lost art, but hey, the author sold 100 million books.  Figure it out! katie kloss
(watch the rest of this vid:  http://youtu.be/mgMx894Jbdo)

Another way to give something to the female viewers (since we don’t get turned on the same way as men do) is to present something that turns her on.  When I was single, I had a phone relationship with someone who was a sexoholic.  He was very sharp to know that the sexes are different.  He would scour the internet to bring me something that might turn me on.  By bringing me something to get worked up on, I would be more willing to give him something he needed.  Since most fetishes are for men, I found that the things that turned me on were things that didn’t do a thing for the guy.  Yay!  The spotlight was on me…as it should be.

  1. Art direction/filming. I saw the same scene over and over again and I got bored.  Film it in a different way.  Focus on breast, pan down to the lowest point just prior to filming the vagina, then cut away.  C’mon, this happened at least 6 times in the same way.  Figure out other angles to film her naked.

The good about this shot is that I think Dakota will be solely responsible for making small breasts ‘in’.  Yay!  Someone needs to reverse the trend for fake boobs.  Her breasts are delicious. stepping into tub

  1. The ending pisses the viewer off. The woman behind me came this close to throwing her soda at the screen.  All of us felt the same way.  Have an abrupt ending?  Sure.  Have an ending where there are loose ends?  Sure.  Have an ending that teases the viewer?  Sure.  There are dozens of ways the movie could have ended.  I’m sure pissing them off isn’t one of them.  I don’t know how you expect the viewer to come back (for two more installments) if you tick them off.  It would be like going to a nice restaurant and knowing that the chef put a bodily fluid in your food.  I don’t care how good the meal was.  It’s not going to allure you to return.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? See the movie because of Miss Johnson, replace Dornan, and make the script alluring to women and you will double your sales.  Of course, this movie already made 400 million dollars in 10 days (with a 40 million dollar budget).  The bean counters don’t make changes when the cash registers are ringing.  I really wanted to like this movie, but in its current state, it’s not working.