Top 11 Female Lies that your mom never knew that sabotage your relationships with Women.

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1. Women want a Nice Guy.
Fact: It IS true that most people want a “nice girl”. Because that is true, moms and other meddling women think that women should pick a guy because he is “Nice”, too. It doesn’t work that way. Women are biologically programmed, no matter what women say to the contrary, to want a man who has her back in the event of a threat or danger. If there is another 9/11, tsunami, earthquake, car crash, or we get attacked by aliens, women want to KNOW that the man they picked is ready to pull them out of danger. In general, men are (physically) bigger, better (able to assess and deal with the danger), faster, and stronger than women…which is why women subconsciously seek out this type of man.

Sure, it might be nice to have a guy go with her to the mall or carry her purse while she’s in the dressing room, but if there is a bomb blast, she is not going to want to stay with a man who’s going to cry or hide under the clothes rack.

The keyword here is “should”. Don’t look at what women “should” pick. Instead, look at whom they DO pick.

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2. Women want a man who has money, tats, and/or a motorcycle.
It’s not that women need these obvious markers. It’s more about what the markers REPRESENT. They represent that a guy has confidence, skill, can take risks, is edgy, and not afraid of being his own person. All of the just mentioned attributes come in handy when there is a threat/danger (see the previous section).

Disclaimer: Many women today, especially young women, do need obvious markers. The reason is they don’t have the skill or experience to determine what kind of guy he is (his character or his physical strength) without an obvious marker (money, power, fame, or a physical object, like a motorcycle, car, or house). The reason this is so is because many of these women grew up without a dominant father or father figure who typically could have taught them such things.

Stay clear of this type of woman. At the end of the day, you’re not going to want a woman who cannot discern a Good Guy from a bad guy. She doesn’t deserve you.

victoria secret models.  11-143. That above-average looking women are harder to get.

Car logic doesn’t apply to women.

FACT: A car that is well-maintained, both visually and mechanically, is worth more than a car that is neglected and beat up.

There are very few women in the world who wake up in the morning and are naturally beautiful. Let’s say maybe 100 in the world. The rest of the ‘drop-dead gorgeous’ women have to work at it. Such women start off as 7’s, to end up being a near-10. It takes a village of people and lots of maintenance to look that good. Eating well, getting restful sleep, low alcohol, working out, watching her diet, primping, prodding, plucking, tweezing, waxing, cutting, curling, dying, moisturizing, on and on. In order to get from a 7 to a 10 (an LA 10), she has to be obsessive about her looks.

Now you’re going to say…See? Just like a car, right? All that maintenance to be beautiful means that she should be harder to get as there is going to be more competition to get her, right?

No. You didn’t factor in these two very important points.

a. She’s obsessive, remember? That degree of obsession usually occurs because of low self-esteem. Notice the ladies who are “large and in charge”. The large women are the ones with the highest amount of self-esteem. They don’t care about their looks and they don’t care that you care about their looks (and hence, they aren’t obsessing). Because our pretty woman has low self-esteem, she is actually easier to get than those who rate below a 7. Message to you? Go after the most beautiful woman you can find. Your odds are not worse than the below 7’s, and heck, the odds are actually in your favor.

b. Most guys think that the most beautiful women are the hardest to get. If most guys are thinking that that means that no one is asking her out!

FACT: Some of the most beautiful women are sitting alone at home on a Friday night! Don’t make the assumption that they are always out or taken.

Since she has been sitting alone most of the time, she is actually more eager to get out of the house and go out with you.

4. It’s ok for her to take your number (hit on you first, ask you out first, arrange the first date, propose to you, etc.).
FACT: Men hate rejection. It’s really hard to be turned down. That being said, you keep your animal chops when you are the aggressor. Most men really like the hunt and the chase. It’s really the most fun part of dating, if you let it. It reconfirms that you have what it takes to ask her out. That builds your confidence…and we all know just how important confidence is to a woman. It’s everything!

Men who think it is ok for the woman to step up first usually do have confidence issues. It may work for a minute for her to approach you first, but at the end of the day (a few months later), she won’t respect you. Women who are put in this position often will manipulate you just because they can. I don’t think it’s okay with any man to be disrespected. It’s really not a cycle you want to get into. If you have trouble approaching women, let’s work on that. The sexes are not equal. Relationships work best when you make the first move. After you have established that you have confidence, in her eyes, you can then take turns leading the charge. Until then, all eyes are on you.

5. There’s nothing more important than having a girl that you can do things with, right?
You work hard. In your off-time, you really just want to relax and have fun. Many men choose women just because they have similar interests. While there is nothing wrong with that, you shouldn’t choose her only because of this trait. There are key things I teach men to look for that will enhance and solidify any relationship. If you are considering having her around for the long-haul, you also should be looking at whether your values and morals match up. Values and morals are set in stone by age 7. It’s not likely that you are going to change that part of her personality, nor are you going to be happy long term if she has traits that are at odds with your values and morals.

Does she respect you? That’s a big one, too. There are a couple more traits that I would like you to look at, too. Get the list of the three other traits in my book that need to be in your line up to evaluate whether or not you’re keeping her long term.

guy makes girl laugh.  11-146. Women want a man who makes them laugh.
Sure, most women will tell you they love a guy who makes them laugh. Who doesn’t want to laugh and have a good time? What they don’t tell you is just laughing is not enough to win her over. I once had a high school friend who is the funniest guy I’ve ever met. Every 10 years, we meet at the reunion. I am in stitches every time I see him. He even tried to date me after college. Not a chance. He is just not date-worthy. I can’t quite put my finger on it but let’s say it’s a confidence issue. He’s a helluva nice guy, maybe even too nice. I guess I get the feeling that he would be a push-over (meaning having no backbone) which is why I was not interested in dating him.

Some men use laughter as a cover-up to push down insecure feelings they have about themselves. It’s sort of like the guy who is 5’7” who would like to be taller. Whatever it is they don’t feel good about needs to be addressed on a personal growth level, rather than using laughter (or a fancy car, expensive dinner, or other perks) to conceal their insecurity.

It turns out that my high school friend was adopted. I suspect those unresolved feelings of feeling ‘less than’ come from that. Although his adoptive parents were very loving and supportive, he never did meet his birth parents and he feels a lot of angst over that.

teacup dog.  11-147. It’s cool that you walk their teacup dog.
Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar, right? Walking her teacup dog is not just walking a teacup dog. Most grown men would never own a teacup dog. Walking her dog is an announcement, an announcement to the whole neighborhood, that YOU are walking her dog. Basically, much to her dismay, she can’t follow you around day and night to see what you’re up to and who you’re talking to. Your walking her teacup dog acts as a giant, moving billboard telling the neighborhood that you belong to her. While you’re walking the teacup dog, the dog serves as a deterrent from other women talking to you.

This same territorial logic also applies when your woman sends you to the market to get her tampons. She really just needs milk, but she is also going to have to get her some tampons. At checkout, other women know you are taken because you have a box on tampons in your basket.

Bottom line? Don’t walk teacup dogs or buy her tampons…ever! It’s an ingenuous way of controlling you.

8. There’s nothing wrong with long-distance relationships. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
No. There comes a time when someone will have to move. Usually men don’t move because of their job and women don’t move because they don’t want to leave their friends and family.

Unless you live in a really small town in Idaho or Montana, I am not going to give you a hall pass on this issue. Studies have shown that people choose potential partners from really far away because, emotionally speaking, they just don’t really want to be in a relationship. The physical distance usually guarantees the emotional distance.

It’s ok if you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. It is selfish and unfair to ask the other person to get invested in you when you have little or no investment in her.

There are ways to find women in your own town. You just need a new skill set if the numbers seem against you. I teach how to be more effective with your search.

9. You should believe her when she talks about birth control.
It’s not that she’s trying to lie or deceive you. It’s more that it doesn’t matter what she says about birth control. The body wants what the body wants. Meaning that her hormones will eventually take over and she will catch feelings for you. When that happens, usually about the 3 month mark, she will conveniently “forget” to take the Pill or neglect using birth control. Unless she has a semi-permanent method, like an IUD, an implant, or shot, and you were there to confirm its administration, you really can’t trust what she says about birth control.

cheating on you.  11-1410. There’s nothing you can do to prevent her from cheating on you.
Yes, there is a proven way you can tell whether or not she will cheat on you. It’s very simple when you know what to look for. Details are in my book, MASTERING WOMEN. You can’t just ask her because people who are cheating or thinking about cheating will lie. It does NOT involve trailing her, putting a private detective on her, or breaking into her cell phone. 4 simple traits will give you the peace of mind you are looking for.

11. There’s no way to tell if she really loves you for you, right?

So many women today marry the idea rather than the person. Meaning they are more wrapped up in the event: the dress, the attention, the gifts, etc. than you. Today, it is less about the guy and more about how the event makes her feel (special). Many women have been dreaming about their special day since they were five years old. Disney movies further cement this notion by having the handsome Prince sweep them away. The movie usually has a problem that the Prince needs to overcome to win over the pretty damsel. That struggle makes the outcome even sweeter. That’s a lot of fairy tale dust that your average guy must live up to to win his girl with the same intensity.

So, is there any hope for you? Yes, there is. My 4 proven steps will insure that your day has come and she loves you for you, no matter how grand a wedding she is planning. Heck, she is so in love with you that she doesn’t even need a wedding! How do you like them apples?

As you can see, there are lots of lies and misconceptions about dating that women will have you believe. Get smart, don’t be duped, and be more effective with women. Find out more about these tips and others in my book MASTERING WOMEN.


Onward Review. Starbucks come back story.

I bought this book because I am going to open a beer and wine bar. I thought that our respective business models are the same: Offer the customer a good place to hang out and have a drink.

I think no one understands this business model better than Schultz.

Even though there is no shortage of Schultz telling you in the book “It’s the best coffee, it’s the best coffee…” for me, and I have always known this, it’s less about the coffee and more about the coffee culture.

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When Starbucks came to my town, Santa Monica, CA, they opened a store inside a book store (Barnes & Noble). Until that day, some 30 years ago, a book lover was never allowed to sit in a chair and read from one of their books for 20 minutes. Until that day, a book browser was never allow to bring food and drink into the store. That day, not only was food and drink permissible, they gave you a soft, comfy leather chair to sink into to sip and read. Although the coffee is good, I learned their business model is about coffee culture, not the coffee.

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In Los Angeles, there are two rivals, Starbucks and Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (CBTL). The CBTL people HATE Starbucks and will use any opportunity to tell you what they think of Starbucks. If I have heard this comment once (usually unsolicited), I have heard it a thousand times “CBTL coffee tastes better than Starbucks coffee.” Whenever they say this, I always think “Who asked for your opinion?” It’s arrogant, stupid, and not true (best coffee). And while we are at it, aren’t you CBTL people supposed to stand for the opposite of arrogance? You can generalize the CBTL crowd to be the tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing crowd. The Starbucks people don’t hate the CBTL people, we just avoid the store. I have never heard one Starbucks customer denigrate CTBL coffee or the coffeehouse.

As for the coffee, I hate CBTL coffee. In a 30 day period, I maybe, and I say maybe, giving the utmost benefit of the doubt, like (not love) their (drip) coffee one day out of 30. When I go to Starbucks, my drink order is Grande, non-fat, Café Latte. I agree that during the non-Schultz days, the drink could be a bit inconsistent. On Schultz’ watch, it is a very consistent, satisfying drink. If I’m going to be honest, the best (drip) coffee in the world is in Kings Road Cafe West Hollywood. Now that’s coffee! Which is why I cannot listen to the CBTL line about the coffee.

Why do I go to Starbucks? Because I like the atmosphere. The décor is inviting. It invites you to be comfortable and stay a while. You can go to read the morning news, work on a report, do your homework, or enjoy a cup with a friend. Much to my chagrin, my husband is a CBTL fan. For the last 6 years, we have gone to CBTL every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I order a plain drip (dark) when I go to CBTL. In 6 years, they don’t know my name, they don’t know what my drink order is (Hello? Unlike Starbucks’ 3,000 different drink orders – which might be a challenge, I order Plain coffee. What’s to remember?) Forget that they don’t know my name, they don’t even recognize that I have been in the store more than once. 6 years, people! 6 years!

The décor is the same décor from the day they opened. The place is dirty, dingy, and the furniture is often broken. The bathroom mirror has graffiti. I give them points because they have a professional window cleaner once a week. The outdoor tables are never cleaned in the morning. They have a thick layer of dust, leaves, and blown debris from the street sweepers. They should be cleaned every, damn morning to welcome customers.

Anyway, back to the book…who else to teach you about culture than Schultz? On his return to Starbucks, the country was facing the worst recession since the Great Depression. In just two years, he took the stock price from $8 to $33, a 400% increase…despite the recession!

I liked hearing cold, hard numbers on his sales-to-investment ratios (page 152). I definitely will implement those numbers. I like the ‘Lean’ philosophy where you let individual managers come up with better ways to build the mousetrap. In their corporate manual, they had to grind the day’s beans first thing in the morning. This resulted in lots of waste at the end of the day. One manager switched to grinding just before brewing. This resulted in a fresh brew, no waste, and a coffee smell (to lure more customers) throughout the day. They were usually out of decaf. One manager came up with a plan to never run out of decaf. The Lean technique is also a plan I will implement.

I agree with his line that “leadership is about confidence”. You have to have passion, which he does, about your convictions. As a leader, sometimes, no one understands or endorses your convictions than you. Passion gives you the ability to press forward anyway.
When they implemented a customer loyalty card, they were going to include customer preferences when the card was swiped at the terminal. I talked to a few stores after reading the book. They have the card but there are no customer preferences. I am going to talk to my IT people to see if this can be implemented as I think it’s very important. Much like Blackberry contacts had fields for business people, even adding one line of customization will be a tremendous bonus to a customer. Bottom line? Customers want to be recognized and appreciated. The coffee or the product comes second. Unlike the famous Seinfeld Soup Nazi episode, people don’t want to be dissed, or worse, ignored, no matter how good the product is.

One singular thing that made me successful in business was to CONNECT with people. I speak to this concept a great deal in my book below. Even though Schultz talks about the quality of the coffee, which I am glad this is his benchmark, you will find threaded throughout the book, just how deeply he connects with people. He does it so well, he is almost removed to give it any credit. I promise you, three times in the book, I was actually crying and had tear stains on the pages of the book. When’s the last time you cried while reading? Thought so.

I recommend this book to any business person to learn how he quadrupled his business in 2 years. There is take-away that will be helpful for any business. I just looked today, the stock price is $75.

Linda Gross, Author of

Make room for the little things.

Not my blog, but a great post nonetheless. Enjoy!

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A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

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The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles
rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

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The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend/your spouse.

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Shawn beer – Pineapple Wheat

My position on the Donald Sterling ban.

I think most blacks are missing the point. In my opinion, this tape is the greatest opportunity to finally MAKE a statement on race relations in the last fifty years…greater than the Civil Rights Movement, greater than OJ, greater than Rodney King, and greater than Trayvon Martin. I think many blacks are not keeping their eye on the correct target.

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I am grateful that Commissioner Silver imposed the stiffest fines he could, but it doesn’t end there.

First off, Sterling, with his billions, and a lawyer himself, is going to fight the selling of his team every which way ’til Sunday.

Then, there are the owners (see how they made their money) themselves. Are they going to get 29 board members (owners) to oust their own? That would almost be like a doctor ratting out another doctor, even though malpractice was involved.

The more important question is IF the 29 NBA owners force Sterling to sell, what should become of that money? Who cares if an ownership change occurs as that money will just go back into Sterling’s pocket. That’s ridiculous. Some or all of that money should go towards an endowment to subsidize black homeownership and black education. THEN, he will feel some pain.

C’mon. He’s 81 years old and now has prostate cancer. Banned for life? Who cares? Because of his condition, he likely would not have been able to attend the games or visit the clubhouse in the near future anyway.

Sterling is not going down without a fight. He will likely die before any such sale takes place. This could easily be held up in the courts for 10 years. Another possibility is that ownership will be transferred to a family member, like his wife. Good luck on that one. She’s as big a racist as he is. She also is not without scandal herself. She posed as a government agent to try to evict minorities out of their apartments. That suit got settled for $2.7 million dollars.




So? What’s a player to do? Numbers talk. I recommend that the entire population of black NBA players stage a ‘Bench Day’. 24 hours is enough to get everyone’s attention. Since more than 78% of the players are black, they will be heard loud and clear.

During that time, they should ask that Sterling or the NBA franchise set up an Endowment Fund. It is a long shot that they will force Sterling to sell…and anytime soon. If they do, that money should fund the endowment. In the event the sale gets tied up in the legal system, the NBA should set up a fund from 5% of the owners’ profits.

Why do I say homeownership and education? The unequivocal difference between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’ has always been, and will always be, real estate and education. This is the quickest way for blacks to close the gap on status and power.

Washington Bears professional basketball team, 1943.

There are some who say that we need to reinstitute a Black Player’s League. That’s not going to work, either. There’s more to it than just buying a team or having a league. In today’s economy, it’s not about playing the game as much as it is about money. Having a League is pointless unless you also have television rights. Having television rights is pointless unless you have advertisers. As for the number of black athletes, that’s where there is clout. Having a Bench Day would make an impact. Blacks do not hold a substantial majority in television/media or with advertising (corporate sponsors).

stiviano.  5-14Don’t focus on the petty. V. Stiviano is the petty. She is entirely irrelevant. I wouldn’t punish her in the least. She did us all a favor.

Who is being called a racist or not is also irrelevant. What’s relevant is that racism still is going strong in this country. We have a decided opportunity to make history.

Bench Day. Game on. Let’s go!

Meet and Greet. 1st Date Law.

Mallory asks “I think going to dinner is a great way to spend time with someone new and get to know him. Why do you say it’s a bad idea?”

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DT: The first date should be short and sweet. Period. End of story. With NO exceptions.

I can’t tell you the amount of people who have told me that they thought the date went great because it lasted 5/fill in the blank hours. Guess what? Those people are still dating or have already been dumped by the time you read this blog. I know what I am talking about. Just do it.

The first date should be one hour and not a minute more.

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If you can’t figure this out, set your phone alarm to ring in an hour. Have your friend call you in an hour. Actually schedule another appointment that you cannot miss forcing you to leave in an hour. Whatever method you use, just do it. Limit the first date to no more than one hour.

This step is not a ‘suggestion’. It is Law.

Why is this rule so important?

1. Click or no click?

If you end up not liking the person in person, you can leave graciously. No harm, no foul, as they say. It is my experience that practically everyone sounds good on the phone or on a text. The real test is getting them in front of you. Either you guys click…or you don’t. It’s that simple. Pay attention when you meet them.

This yardstick (click/no click) should be the only aspect of the date that you are evaluating. Aside from that, just let it flow and have fun.

If you are not feeling it, be gracious, be a lady, and politely end it. Sometimes, you can do it at the end of the date, sometimes, you don’t know until the next day. That’s ok. You really should deliver the news within 24-72 hours, tops.

Say, “I really had a good time. You’re a good person. I just didn’t feel ‘the click’. Good luck in your search.” Done. Short, sweet, and to the point.

If you didn’t want to take it further, having a short, first date is a killer good reason to have a short, first date. Your time (and money…gas, parking, new outfit, and whatever else you paid for go on this date) is kept to a minimum.

You’re each not invested. This is the perfect time to make your exit. I have talked to hundreds of women who wait 6 months to tell the guy she is not interested. That’s bs…not to mention, cruel. Most women know in 15 minutes. There is no reason to drag this on for 6 months or any months. At that point, you are just using the guy for a free meal or however else you are manipulating him. I don’t approve. It’s not classy. And men don’t marry women who are not classy.

2. You clicked! Hooray!

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Most women at this point will say, “We clicked, so even though we followed your one-hour rule, we extended the date by going somewhere else to continue the date.”

To which I say, “Well, you didn’t follow my rule.”

If you clicked, you should still end the date. Why? Because you want to leave him wanting more. I often get an invitation to schedule the second date at the close of the first date. That’s how you KNOW you are doing it right. It is okay if he doesn’t ask right away, but he should ask within 72 hours. If he doesn’t, he is usually playing you, and you don’t want a player. (Translation, 90% of the time, he is married. 10% of the time, he is undecided and otherwise unavailable). Move on.

Never be the one who decides if there is a 2nd date. Let him be the man. In the beginning stages of dating, it’s always good to let the man lead. If you are doing the asking, you will never really know if HE likes YOU. He may say “yes” because he is lonely, bored, or horny. It does not mean he likes you. And in today’s modern world, he may be using you for money, power, connections or whatever, if you lead. Again, none of this tells you whether he is into you (for you) or not. Let him lead. That way, you KNOW where you stand. Plus, it always works best that way.

Think about it. It’s human nature. People want what they can’t have. If he wants to be around you more and he can’t have you (because you have to leave), he will only want you more. Follow me? Good.

Here is another reason why I have this short-date rule…be your own person. Practically ALL women want a long first date. They want a fancy dinner, or maybe dinner and a movie, or dinner and theater tickets. When I make a short, first date, they are in SHOCK. You stand out. Listen to me! You stand out! I don’t do it for that reason, but heck, let me say it again, You Stand Out. It makes them take notice. It sets you apart because you are not doing what all the other women are doing. He gets to thinking, “Gee, why is she doing this? What’s she got?”

Any upstanding gentleman at this point will be begging you to let him take you to dinner, the concert, or whatever 5 hour date he can muster. While this is very flattering, don’t take the bait. By the way, it is perfectly ok by me to have the 2nd date be long. He can do these nice outings on the 2nd date, not the first. (Don’t tell him all this! You keep the power to yourself…and by telling him your tactics, he may see this as game playing and dump you on the spot. I know. I was an idiot once and spilled the beans and lost a terrific guy in one second. He took what I said out of context and immediately dumped me.)

When you politely decline his offer (for a long first date), oh my gosh, it ups the ante even more. He is now thinking, “I’m throwing money at her and she’s not going for it? Wow. What an unusual girl!” After complimenting you in his head because he is keeping score by the way, he then turns the situation to himself (as most guys are self-centered) to say “Wow. Maybe she is going out with ME, to get to know me, and not my money or what I can do for her.” More points are racked up. Feel me?

He also is impressed that you are standing your ground. Most men worry that you are going to cheat on them. Men don’t take well to cheating. It takes them years, if not forever, to recover. Knowing a girl stands her ground makes him think of you in a whole new light (bingo! Marriage material!) This is how a man interprets your standing your ground…“When I am not with her, and if a guy approaches her, she will stand her ground to ward off his advances.” Any guy loves this quality in his woman. No man wants to feel insecure that you will cheat on him. A woman who knows how to say “no” is a woman he wants. Period.

So, how you decline? Say “Gosh, I would love to spend more time with you/go to dinner with you/go to the concert with you. Let’s just meet at 7pm as planned. We can always do those things another time.” Smile. Then, shut up. Be done with the conversation, politely, of course.

What is the perfect first date? Number one on my list is to go for a drink. One or two glasses of alcohol often relaxes people to be themselves and open up. The best time to go is before dinner, like happy hour, 4-7pm or after dinner, 7-9pm. If you or he don’t drink, so what? That person can always just have a club soda or soft drink.

My second choice is to go for a walk. Maybe get an ice cream (or not) and go for a walk on the beach, a walk around the park or lake, a walk at the farmer’s market, a walk around the grounds (like a rose garden or museum). If something grabs your attention, going on a walk is a great conversation starter. “Gosh, did you see those pears (at a farmer’s market)? They were the biggest I have ever seen.” “Gee, the birds are quite the singers today (around the lake).”

The cool thing about a walk is that you are close together but not in each other’s face. He can be as casual or as intimate as he pleases. Here’s how you KNOW you’re doing it right: He takes your hand.

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Other good marks: He walks curbside (the outside position, to keep you safe). He holds you back (nice, he is being a gentleman to protect you) when a car is passing. You can tell a lot about a man by how he walks with you.

Coffee dates? I love coffee. I have done coffee dates. Coffee dates, for me, almost never lead to a second date. A drink (alcohol) is almost always a sure thing. Coffee? Not so much. Also, coffee is usually in the morning. I usually have to be back at work or be off doing other things to start my day, meaning that I am watching the clock too much in the morning. If he is anything like me, he has got to get on with his day, too (more clock watching!). Although coffee dates meet the one-hour date rule, they tend not to be productive.

coffee.  4-14

Other ideas? If you happen to be athletic, men LOVE women who are athletic, by the way, hitting a bucket of balls is super fun. I got really good results doing this activity. Miniature golf is a good one. Shooting range at the local amusement park is good. Hiking up your local canyon is good. Remember, if you are going to do an activity, you still have to keep it under one hour. Most men love to be active, so it’s usually a good pick.

In summary, short and sweet gets the job done. If you can’t see yourself with this guy physically or for other reasons, graciously let him go. If the date goes well, the anticipation of seeing him again will shine through. Everyone wants to be wanted. Your wanting to see him again will make him like you more because he is flattered that you like him.

Have fun. Here is one last tip, pretending that you have all the time in the world, keeps you in the moment. Being in the present, makes each of you show your real selves, which is what you want. That being said, get the heck out of Dodge when the time is up. Tick-tock.

time is up. tick tock.  4-14

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Your next move is Hard-Coded.


As I was reading a fellow bloggers post, Genetics Determine Everything.  The author was taken aback by a lecture he had recently heard.  The lecture was presented by Dr. Robert Schrire, an emeritus professor at the University of Cape Town.  What struck the blogger was the lecturer’s statement “that ‘free choice’ is a myth, as it relates to who we are, what do we, and how we think and act” and “so very much of who we are is genetically pre-determined.”

free choice sign.  1-14

Taken aback?  Yes?  But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

This and other astounding revelations are the crux of my book, The Caveman Formula.

As I combed through the research from 10,000 years ago as to how men handled relationships back then (compared to now) and after having interviewed over 20,000 men on their thoughts and actions regarding relationships, I, like the doctor above, agree that much of what we do is already scripted.  I also claim that NOT MUCH* HAS CHANGED over thousands of years.

*our actions and reactions

Are we human?  Yes.  Do we have the ABILITY for higher, cognitive reasoning and choice?  Yes.  Do we use it?  No.  We often only use that aspect of our brain when we are forced to.  The other 95% of the time, we operate from our animal instincts.  We are animals.  Our reactions and actions to stimulation and motivation are practically automatic, much like a sneeze is involuntary.

man thinking.  1-14

What determines our reactions/actions (based on my research)?  Biology, hormones, our DNA, our enzymes, our synaptic firings, and the like.

DNA Strands

Shocking?  Yes.  But until you understand WHY we do what we do, it is only then that we can establish a path to take a different course, a path that may serve us better.

We are so arrogant to think we are not animals.  We are so arrogant to think that there are NOT already processes put in place.  Get real.  Do you really think Mother Nature would let this process go to chance?  These processes are in place to insure the continuance of the species.


One last thought is our arrogance to think that the opposite sex thinks just like we do (ie ‘women want sex as much as we do’, etc.).

At first glance, the reader might be shocked, then hate me, then resist what I am saying…only to find out that when you accept who we are and what we are about, the journey to peace and success with the opposite sex is lasting.

happy guy in bed.  1-14


Stamina spills over to other areas.

Stamina (noun):  The ability to sustain prolonged physical or mental effort.
weight training.  8-13

Effort takes energy.  It takes conscious effort to move from place A to place B.  You make a decision to work out.  You have to set aside time in your day to do that.  The most effective way to do this is to pick a day and time that works best for you, and regularly go at that same time…that way you don’t have to “think” about it.

Pick a time that you have the most energy.  For most, it’s in the morning.  Your stomach is not too full from too much food, which weighs you down from lunch or dinner.  Most people are not starving in the morning.  If you try to go after work, you might be hungry.  That hunger may lead to your making excuses as to why you don’t want to go to the gym.  The other good thing about working out in the morning is that it sets your metabolism for the day.  Meaning, if you start off with a good habit, especially weight training, you continue to burn calories long after you have left the gym.

After you pick out your day and time, you have to get dressed.  Aside from your actual clothes, have your gym bag completely ready to go the night before.  Put your ipod/smart phone, headphones, sweat towel, gym pass, water bottle, and whatever else you will need.  The more prepared you are, the less you will make excuses in the morning as to why you can’t go.  If you need gas, get that handled the day before, too.  Ideally, you just want to get up, grab a quick snack, like Greek yogurt or an egg and maybe a little fruit, and GO!

How much time do you need?  3 hours.  If you have to leave the house at 8am, you will need to wake up at 5am, based on one hour of gym time.  This will include waking up, driving to and fro, showering, changing, getting a bite to eat, and checking your email or the daily news.

5am alarm clock.  8-13

Can’t wake up that early?  Well, I’m not gonna lie.  It is super hard if you are under 30.  To that end, maybe you have to go to the gym Saturday, Sunday, and one more day during the week.  That way you only have to wake up one day a week (before work).

If you are over 30, you can learn to wake up early.  Our bodies have circadian rhythms.  Our sleep goes in cycles.  If you can find the end of your cycle, you can wake up with ease.  If you wake in the middle of your cycle/full REM (rapid eye movement/dreaming) phase, you will be tired and cranky.  You just have to practice and learn what your cycle is.  Waking up at 6am might be an absolute terror for you.  Just keep playing with the alarm clock to find your cycle.  It might be 5:30am, it might be 5:15am, or it might be 4:45am.  You can try different times on the alarm clock by 10 to 15 minutes to find your ideal.

Now that you have made it to the gym, you have to work out.  This requires stamina, determination, and repetition.  After 28 days (in psychology, this is the time span necessary to form a habit), you forge a habit…a good habit.

28th day on calendar.  8-13

By continuing, you will see that if you have the stamina to continue working out, it will spill over to other areas of your life.  Anyone can quit.  That’s easy.  Your dedication pays off in more areas than just at the gym.  It will spill over to your work ethic.  When others quit, you will keep fine tuning and find ways to “win” at work.

Going to the gym pumps endorphins, the “feel-good” hormones into your system.  When you feel good, you act on those good feelings.  You will be more inclined to walk up to that pretty girl and start talking.  Stamina.  When you look good, you are more apt to walk with a stride in your step.  You have purpose, you have meaning, and you have CONFIDENCE.  Girls LOVE CONFIDENCE.  They need CONFIDENCE like they need air.

wanna go out.  8-13

So how long does this take?  Well, if you’re a total couch potato, about 3 months.  If you have been a ‘hit-or-miss’ gym type or have played sports, it could be in as little as 2 weeks.  The key to making this work, into turning fitness into a good habit is consistency.  Just go at the same time on the same days.  The other component, find something you like to do.  You may want to hire a personal trainer to kick start you into a fun and effective routine.

Fitness stamina builds pride, builds CONFIDENCE, makes you more effective at work (the physical actually clears your head to work more clearly), and boosts your CONFIDENCE with girls.

marines carrying tire.  8-13

I don’t know but I’ve been told.
Getting fit is very bold.
Sound off 1, 2.
Sound off 3, 4.
Sound off…1, 2, 3, 4!

Let’s go!

Comments? Questions?

Check out DT’s latest book, 8-28-13.  Caveman-Formula-FINAL THE CAVEMAN FORMULA, The Modern Manual for Winning with Women: