Regain Your Manhood.


Is she gaining the upper hand? What you can say to reclaim that YOU are the top dog in the relationship?  Also, things that make a man look weak.

Note:  The 4C’s: CONFIDENCE, Connect with Her, Caring, and Character, are the required characteristics that a man must have to win over any woman, for any reason (one night stand all the way to your forever girl, and everyone in between). Get a copy of my book:  Mastering Women.

Amazon cover. 12-16

  • A man of few words or being silent? Does work with other men, but doesn’t work with women. Instead. Acknowledge, 3rd C: “I see how you feel that way. Let me say this about that.” Either find a solution to the problem or validate how she is feeling.
  • If you can’t talk, say you can’t talk. Instead say: “I can’t discuss this right now. Can we pick up after I come home from work?” and then, keep your word and YOU bring it up. (Send yourself a text reminder.) 
  • Don’t just ‘hang out’. Instead: find ways to help, lift, solve, and teach. Why? It establishes your 1st C, CONFIDENCE.
  • Not being the disciplinarian to your kids. Never let your kids disrespect their mom. It benefits the kids by looking up to you and it benefits her by having her back. Again, CONFIDENCE factor is intact.
  • Letting others disrespect your woman in public. It means that YOU don’t respect her if you let this behavior continue. Never let this happen.
  • Road rage because he cut you off or she didn’t use her turn signal. Really? There really are more important things in life. If you find yourself constantly ready to blow someone’s head off on the road, it rarely is about the other driver. Do some self-examination. Find out what REALLY is bugging you. Most likely, it’s your boss or a difficult person in your life. Get that stuff handled! Having Road Rage is passive behavior. Being passive is for chicks. Take charge of what is weighing you down. It’s not some random driver that has you so hot.
  • Beer Belly. Have that 40 extra pounds around your middle? In addition to it not being a good look and it’s bad for your health, you want to look like you can step up if the situation calls for it. Strength = virility = sexy. Plus, how smart you will look when your clothes just hang well? Mmm, women notice. Women will swoon. Time to hit the gym.
  • I dunno. What do you want to eat? Being wishy-washy is NOT a good, manly look. Make a decision. Book the location. Take charge. You might be ready with a Plan B, just in case she already had Chinese for lunch. Other than that, you be in command. That is what women respect.

stressed man

  • Don’t depend on women for validation. Instead, unless stated otherwise, act as if you ALREADY HAVE the validation. This exudes CONFIDENCE. Waiting for validation means you are fearful that you won’t get sex. It really has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Focusing on the issue at hand will also avoid creating roadblocks to sex.
  • Stop being ANGRY. Being angry means you don’t have control over your emotions. Confident men figure things out. You research, you evaluate, and you execute…and you do so with purpose and by being a gentleman. You’re not 5 years old. What are you going to do next? Throw yourself on the floor and pout? Because that is what we think when you go to anger.
  • Exiting a relationship doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Many men let her end the relationship. They do this by cheating or having deplorable behavior so SHE will have to break up with you. This is clearly passive behavior. It means you can’t face hard issues. Learn to break up kindly, tell her why, and then get out. It is a skill you can use in personal relationships as well as in business. Anything less is beneath you.
  • Don’t keep all chick friends. Yes, women listen better. Yes, it is easier to be friends with women. That being said, men need men. Get your validation from other men. You may not want to hear what another man says, but it usually is good advice. Men will give it to you straight. Make it your business to always have at least one male friend you can really confide in.
  • Get dirty. Sure, you may like going to the latest foreign flick or to the opera. That being said, always remember to mix it up. For example, nothing says being a man like going into the wilderness and dealing with adversity or the unknown. Going on a camping trip to get in touch with your natural strength, independence, and manliness is just what the doctor ordered.

  • Quit acting like you’re a stud in bed. You’re not. This is one area where I DON’T recommend you act like you know more than you do. Read anything and everything you can on the subject. Interview current and past girlfriends. Interview random women. Men who get this subject handled even interview call girls for their take on technique. Women don’t chop off penises or poison their partner with men who are making her happy in bed. Don’t be that fool.
  • Don’t be a Nice Guy. A Nice Guy is a chump who can’t close the deal. When you are first dating a girl, focus on Attraction, not Affection. You have to present yourself that you DO want sex with her. You cannot voice this, as that is creepy, but your actions must state clearly that you are ready to consume her. You don’t have to act on the physical aspect just yet, but you do have to convey you want more to do with her than her brother.

  • Dancing. Many men ignore the power of dancing as they may not be good at it. My advice? Get good at it. It is a definite show of CONFIDENCE, control, and power. It absolutely translates into her wanting to have sex with you.
  • Wear a condom. Not wearing one means you don’t care about your future or your wallet. Don’t be stupid.
  • Go to the doctor and dentist regularly. Not doing so means you don’t care about life or what happens to you. Early detection, in many cases means the difference between life, the quality of life, or death. Quit being a baby and get this handled.
  • Quit listening to dream killers. They aren’t living your life. YOU are. Act as if you can and will succeed at your efforts and do everything possible to make that happen.
  • Stop being a deadbeat. Order a copy of your credit report. Get the line items cleaned up. If you don’t know how call the credit bureaus or even hire an attorney. A clean credit report gives you peace of mind and the best financing rates. No sense in throwing good money away. Take steps to get your credit over 700, then over 750, then over 800. You’ll finally sleep easier.

  • She holds the purse strings. Sure, it’s easy. She has a great job and is out-earning you. Most men would jump for joy with a situation like this…BUT, you lose RESPECT in her eyes. Instead: getting a degree or more training will often translate to more dollars. Also, that hobby of yours that you are good at needs a thorough evaluation. Maybe you’re on to something that will generate extra income or even lead to self-employment where you can better control your financial fate.

  • Hating your job is a form of complaining. If you can change the aspect that you don’t like, do it. If you can change departments or change to a different manager, do it. Otherwise, if the situation is hopeless, start job hunting. Life is too short to be miserable. What this means to her? You’re taking charge. CONFIDENCE. You’re a leader by making things happen.
  • Get financially sound. In most metropolitan cities, you know you need at least $75,000 to $100,000 a year just to live. This means you can pay all your bills, put money aside for emergencies, do a little investing, and have some money left over for the nice things in life, like fine dining and travel. Anything less means you don’t love yourself enough to be self-sufficient.

  • Have extra money. It’s not the money that women love, it is what the money represents = CONFIDENCE. It also means that YOU respect yourself enough to do something nice for yourself. I’m not saying to buy a car you can’t afford, as you should live below your means. What I am saying is there is nothing sexier than a guy who has a little extra money for the finer things in life. Maybe it’s buying that cigar or special bourbon, getting a massage, having a steam at the club, getting sporting event tickets, going to see your favorite band in concert, or getting to go to that ski resort you’ve had on your bucket list for a while.

Bottom line? It’s all about personal action.  Being passive is for chicks.  Taking charge results in getting more out of life, happiness, and yes, of course, more chicks.

 

Can a Guy ‘Life-Hack’ a Girl’s Operating System?


Baseball Caps, Beards, Biceps, Body Symmetry, Broad shoulders, Cologne, Jawline. Let’s define terms.  What is a “Life-Hack’?  Much like a phone-hack, “jail-breaking” your phone is where you break into your phone to override its functionality to one that you personalize.  The reader is asking if you can ‘Life-Hack’ your girl.  He is wondering whether a guy can override a girl’s pre-programmed desire. Let’s have a look.

  1. Baseball caps? Who cares? This is not part of her operating system. It’s just trendy right now. If girls say they like them, it’s not the cap, but HOW you wear it. You have to wear it like you own it. Bring out your inner rapper and act like your Lambo is parked around the corner.
  2. Beards? Most women don’t like beards. They are scratchy and they hurt. Since most women like to kiss, this could be a negative. Few men have beards that aren’t scratchy. Maybe if you’re blondish, the hair would be softer. Why do women say they like it? If we are looking at a movie poster, i.e. from afar, a face we don’t have to kiss, it conjures up that you have been in the wild finding us food or killing the bad guys.Liam Hemsworth, yes. 3 days is good.
    Seth Rogan? Not so much.
  3. Biceps. This one is hard-wired. In general, Mother Nature made men bigger, badder, stronger, faster than women. Biceps represent strength. In the event of a threat or danger, you look like you can handle the situation. This makes a girl feel safe and protected. Every guy can pump some iron at the gym. Get to it.
  4. Body symmetry. Psychologically speaking, this trait holds true for both sexes. Symmetry represents good health, meaning good for breading. If something is out of alignment and you can work on it, do so. A strong body is a good body.
  5. Broad shoulders. Yes. For the same reasons as Biceps. Women favor strength that they don’t have.
  6. Cologne. The global perfume market is worth about 30 billion dollars! Yes, women are attracted to fragrance. In a recent famous study, women were asked to rate the attractiveness of sweaty t-shirts worn most recently by men. Women were drawn to men who have a scent different than their own. Biologically speaking, divergent genetic makeup is nature’s way of preventing in-breeding. Chemistry not only comprises whether you (emotionally) click or not, but also a person’s scent. This strong chemical composition, otherwise known as Pheromones, magnetically bond us to people we are supposed to mate with to give the offspring an advantage in fighting disease.Out of 300 de-boarding passengers, I was eventually able to figure out where the scent was coming from and followed a guy from the concourse to the baggage area to find out what scent he was wearing. Calvin Klein’s Obsession for Men. It was like a drug. I couldn’t not trail him. Scent is very powerful for women. I’d head over to the nearest fragrance counter to figure out what works best for you.
  7. Jawline. Aside from this feature being very photogenic, this physical attribute connotes competency. A baby’s face, which is usually round and pudgy, is still immature. Conversely, men who have defined jawlines indicate maturity. Of course, it has nothing to do with age, as genetically, some people are more blessed than others and their profile does not change with time. That being said, women prefer a strong line. A Princeton professor claimed he could predict congressional candidates with 70% accuracy by just rating their jawlines.I suppose if you have a weak jawline, you could cover that up with a beard, but then there is the danger of offending some women who do not like beards.

In summary, is it possible to jailbreak your girl?  Yes.  After watching how Jodi Arias

honeymooned the jurors, yes, anything is possible.  Should you do it?  To maximize the cast of your net, I think each guy should do whatever he can to accentuate the positives and downplay the negatives.  Some aspects of the attributes are genetically there and you have to let those go. Overall, more important than the attributes is not what they are but how you play them.  CONFIDENCE trumps all.  Being 5’7” is not on any woman’s like-ability radar.  That being said, when Tom Cruise walks into the room, everyone notices.

The more important question is why would you want to change her genetic outlook?  Much like the phone, once you hack into it, you can’t go back to the original operating system.  Guys don’t like it when the girl has had her boobs altered, looks nothing like her pre-made up face, or takes her Spanx off to reveal a sack full of mush.  If you have to resort to deceit and games to get her to like you, then you haven’t done what it takes to get her to like you.  Forget your list above.  It’s 99% CONFIDENCE.  I’d chalk up the remaining 1% to “It’s not meant to be”.  If she isn’t attracted to you, it’s for a reason.  According to my principle, nature works best when it’s easy.  If you have to force a round peg into a square hole, you’re going to end up breaking the whole table.

Follow your gut on whom you are naturally attracted to.  Nature isn’t stupid.  It has safeguards there for a reason.  The rest of your time, spend it on increasing your CONFIDENCE.

For how to begin/increase your Confidence, check out my book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B0594II/?tag=dt4m-20
http://www.themensadvocate.com
Twitter:  @dt4m

Come Visit me April 18th and 19th, 10-6pm, at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, Booth #2050, Indie Author’s Table @USC.  Free Admission.

Stamina spills over to other areas.


Stamina (noun):  The ability to sustain prolonged physical or mental effort.
weight training.  8-13

Effort takes energy.  It takes conscious effort to move from place A to place B.  You make a decision to work out.  You have to set aside time in your day to do that.  The most effective way to do this is to pick a day and time that works best for you, and regularly go at that same time…that way you don’t have to “think” about it.

Pick a time that you have the most energy.  For most, it’s in the morning.  Your stomach is not too full from too much food, which weighs you down from lunch or dinner.  Most people are not starving in the morning.  If you try to go after work, you might be hungry.  That hunger may lead to your making excuses as to why you don’t want to go to the gym.  The other good thing about working out in the morning is that it sets your metabolism for the day.  Meaning, if you start off with a good habit, especially weight training, you continue to burn calories long after you have left the gym.

After you pick out your day and time, you have to get dressed.  Aside from your actual clothes, have your gym bag completely ready to go the night before.  Put your ipod/smart phone, headphones, sweat towel, gym pass, water bottle, and whatever else you will need.  The more prepared you are, the less you will make excuses in the morning as to why you can’t go.  If you need gas, get that handled the day before, too.  Ideally, you just want to get up, grab a quick snack, like Greek yogurt or an egg and maybe a little fruit, and GO!

How much time do you need?  3 hours.  If you have to leave the house at 8am, you will need to wake up at 5am, based on one hour of gym time.  This will include waking up, driving to and fro, showering, changing, getting a bite to eat, and checking your email or the daily news.

5am alarm clock.  8-13

Can’t wake up that early?  Well, I’m not gonna lie.  It is super hard if you are under 30.  To that end, maybe you have to go to the gym Saturday, Sunday, and one more day during the week.  That way you only have to wake up one day a week (before work).

If you are over 30, you can learn to wake up early.  Our bodies have circadian rhythms.  Our sleep goes in cycles.  If you can find the end of your cycle, you can wake up with ease.  If you wake in the middle of your cycle/full REM (rapid eye movement/dreaming) phase, you will be tired and cranky.  You just have to practice and learn what your cycle is.  Waking up at 6am might be an absolute terror for you.  Just keep playing with the alarm clock to find your cycle.  It might be 5:30am, it might be 5:15am, or it might be 4:45am.  You can try different times on the alarm clock by 10 to 15 minutes to find your ideal.

Now that you have made it to the gym, you have to work out.  This requires stamina, determination, and repetition.  After 28 days (in psychology, this is the time span necessary to form a habit), you forge a habit…a good habit.

28th day on calendar.  8-13

By continuing, you will see that if you have the stamina to continue working out, it will spill over to other areas of your life.  Anyone can quit.  That’s easy.  Your dedication pays off in more areas than just at the gym.  It will spill over to your work ethic.  When others quit, you will keep fine tuning and find ways to “win” at work.

Going to the gym pumps endorphins, the “feel-good” hormones into your system.  When you feel good, you act on those good feelings.  You will be more inclined to walk up to that pretty girl and start talking.  Stamina.  When you look good, you are more apt to walk with a stride in your step.  You have purpose, you have meaning, and you have CONFIDENCE.  Girls LOVE CONFIDENCE.  They need CONFIDENCE like they need air.

wanna go out.  8-13

So how long does this take?  Well, if you’re a total couch potato, about 3 months.  If you have been a ‘hit-or-miss’ gym type or have played sports, it could be in as little as 2 weeks.  The key to making this work, into turning fitness into a good habit is consistency.  Just go at the same time on the same days.  The other component, find something you like to do.  You may want to hire a personal trainer to kick start you into a fun and effective routine.

Fitness stamina builds pride, builds CONFIDENCE, makes you more effective at work (the physical actually clears your head to work more clearly), and boosts your CONFIDENCE with girls.

marines carrying tire.  8-13

I don’t know but I’ve been told.
Getting fit is very bold.
Sound off 1, 2.
Sound off 3, 4.
Sound off…1, 2, 3, 4!

Let’s go!

Comments? Questions? info@themensadvocate.com

Check out DT’s latest book, 8-28-13.  Caveman-Formula-FINAL THE CAVEMAN FORMULA, The Modern Manual for Winning with Women: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B0594II/?tag=dt4m-20