Business Lesson from DT: When you are angry, rather than saying “You are wrong.” instead say “I am disappointed…”
“You are wrong”, starts an argument. It’s an attack.
“I am disappointed” (the formula is the word ‘I” plus an emotion word).
The person can’t argue with an emotion. You, in essence, are inferring they are wrong without directly saying it. This better approach causes reflection on their part (What did I do wrong?). You are more likely to get a positive outcome if THEY come to the conclusion they are wrong, rather than you saying it.
I was recently made two wonderful offers by different people who were very excited to start our upcoming projects. After the hype, not only was there lack of commitment, there were crickets. They stopped responding altogether.
After frustration and second guessing, I decided to use my formula. BOTH of my fence sitters responded, almost immediately, and made good on the situation. Fence sitter #1 offered an alternative solution that also works for me. Fence sitter #2 offered a better-than-expected solution.
Moral of the story? People are basically good. They got away with being bad. You have to push the right button (“I am disappointed”) to make them accountable. Once accountable, they often will do the right thing. I think one trouble in our society is there is no public square to shame anymore. So, people are left to be as bad as they want to. Don’t be that person that allows them to get away with bad behavior. Our base nature is to be animals. Anyone can be a jackass. It takes courage and fortitude to stand up for what you believe in. Actually, it’s not even that. It takes the right choice of words. You can be scared to death, but if you use the right choice of words, you will prevail.
I give you this gift. Use this formula: (‘I” plus an emotion word). Remember it when you next need it. The tactic is based in science, called NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming. The words (Linguistic) cause electrical, synaptic firings (Neuro) in our bodies (aka nerves and emotions, and therefore action).
Doing the opposite of this, i.e. sitting on our feelings causes stagnation, having us feel bad, and if continued, cancer. I want you to soar like an eagle because cancer is for the birds.
It wrong for people to disrespect us. What I want you to connect with is it is also wrong for us to let them get away with it. Peace.